LINK: unhinged blogging
Currently listening to: How You Like That – BLACKPINK
날개 잃은 채로 추락했던 날
(The day I fell without my wings)
어두운 나날 속에 갇혀 있던 날
(The day I was trapped in the dark days)
그때쯤에 넌 날 끝내야 했어
(You should have finished me by then)
I’ve been on a bunch of writing platforms . I was pretty snarky, hella unhinged, and majorly inappropriate. But I was going through it, ya know?
I was able to save some excerpts of my masterpieces. *snort*
I started off as a kid writing obnoxious things on Xanga, treating it like it was Twitter before Twitter even existed.
Me: oblivious people annoy me.
Me: pet names that my mom likes to call me when she’s pisst off: 계집애, 썅년, 미친년, 개새끼, and 썩은년. none of them are good.
Me: my most embarrassing moment was when I was five years old and I had to go to the bathroom. my dad wouldn’t pull over so I pissed in my underwear. since i didn’t have any other panties with me, i had to wear my brother’s extra tighty whities.
I know. Absolutely riveting.
Things didn’t get any better when I moved to MySpace. In fact, I became even more emboldened and egregious. The best or worst part was that people would enable me and encourage me to write whatever was on my mind… so I kept going. Not my proudest moment but it is what it is.
Me: i don’t know what the hell i’m doing with my life…
Comment: keep your head up kid…none of us do
Comment: You’re living it but don’t worry everything becomes clear in time.
Me: i’m told that i’m greedy. so what? eat me. my dad says that greedy pple live well. so if that’s the case, I’m going to live extremely well.
Me: damn. crazy dream. i grind my teeth at night. i should get a guard before i have no teeth.
Me: pimpin’ ain’t easy
Me: i think in another life, i must have been a latina.
Me: do i like him or not? that is the question.
Me: my burrito looked like it erupted or someone threw up on it. INEDIBLE.
Me: i want a fucking cupcake. NOW!
Comment: You should receive whatever you want.
Me: i just ripped serious ass and the smell is wicked vile.
Comment: Wow.
Comment: HAHAHAHA! Go you!
See, this is what happens when one grows up in the digital age. It’s as if my fingers had Tourettes and I couldn’t stop myself.
Again, the range in topics that I wrote about was remarkable.
*Please note the sarcasm*
Facebook was cool… until it wasn’t. When my uncles and aunts started requesting me to be their friend, I knew it was time to dip. The last thing I needed were my relatives snitching or spying on my dumbass.
Me: pple need to stop trying to regulate me. it’s not going to happen.
Comment: Can’t nobody hold you down!
Comment: Damn… I just invited you over for a BBQ. It wasn’t to make you cook! Lol! =)
Me: my phone sucks smegma. damn thing is straight up stupid. verizon’s gonna get an earful from me.
Comment: Give ’em hell!
Me: “Dream and love are just words – until you decide to experience them” ― Paulo Coelho
Me: “Madness and genius are separated only by degrees of success.”
And just like that, I did an Irish exit…
Eventually, I graduated to creating my own blog with the help of my graphic designer friend. It was no holds barred. Literally. I was completely feral at this point. I wrote about everything under the sun, ぶっかけand all.
Me: On Wednesday at 2000 PST (in about 30 minutes), I’ll host a hangout on Google + to give away a few items. This will be geared more towards the ladies than men. You will need to be present to claim it. I will also need your mailing address as well. If you’re interested, I’ll see you then.
Comment: HOLY SHIT. PEOPLE ARE MISSING OUT!
Comment: This isn’t a sign of suicide is it?
Me: damn. i hate sleeping by myself.
Comment: But then you can spread out!!
Comment: Get those creepy Japanese half torso pillows!
Comment: More bed is more fun when you’re stealing someone else’s share of it.
Comment: what about a pet?
Then there were random comments I received along the way whenever I posted something risqué or spicy:
Comment: WHAT THE FUCK!!! LOL!!!!!!!!
Comment: Welps, I invited you via Google hours ago. And no response. I feel the sting of rejection.
Comment: Just read your whole blog… had a comment in mind… ambien and beer have now made me forget my witty comment, and… what am I doing here? Huh.
Comment: AAAAHAHHAHAHAA!!!!!!! I went on three dates with one guy and he wore a beanie or a fitted hat. I didn’t find out he was balding until the fourth date. I felt like he’d been purposefully decieving me.
Comment: Some LA chick told me that she has her boyfriend come in her hands and then she massages it into her hair. She said the protein in it is good for your hair. I haven’t tried it, so I don’t know the a trial end results…but her hair IS very shiny.
Comment: Howdy! I noticed that you stopped by the Campfire, and I wanted to drop in and let you know that it was great to see you there, and you’re welcome back anytime!
Comment: Good sleeping pill substitute, cspan..
Comment: it’s really weird how some people just keep going no matter what the other person has done. it’s hard to tell what’s going on in their heads — whether they’ve convinced themselves that they’ve forgiven, have forgotten, or have some other reason like potential impact on the kids. i guess some people just coexist without there really being a relationship. in any case, the people who caused it are bastards.
I habitually had boy drama too. And I displayed it all for everyone to see. Even him.
Him: maybe you’r right
Him: I feel like shit again
Him: thanks
Me: now u know how i felt
Me i actually thought u might have cared about me
Him: well, whatever I did wen I was drunk, I”m sorry
Me: i never asked anything from u
Me: i just wanted u to be my friend and oppa
Him: you gonna talk to me?
Him: caLL ME
Me: i’ll talk to u when u’re sober
Me: cuz i’m afraid of what will come out of ur mouth, when u’re drunk
Him: ———–, IS THAT YOUR NUMBER?
Me: do u even miss me oppa?
Him: yes, I miss you
Me: do u miss having someone to talk to? someone who was nice to u? someone who thought highly of u?
Him: no, it’s not like that
Me: then what
Him: is that you number?
Me: yeah
Me: it is
Him: go to sloop
Him: sleep
Me: no
There was no shortage of disturbing bizarro stalkers sending me e-mails or leaving me comments:
Rojie,
I am going to charm through you. *turn* If I want you, I can get you. You will shiver and get nervous when we meet face to face, right in front of your birth home. When we hook up, the bed will rock till it breaks. You’ve got so much to release. You are the first girl I know who isn’t so materialistic. You and I will go well together, I am sure.
Rojie:
Your name is so ethnic. I love you. I will find you and pork you. I can get any man to do you and you will be a pork belly soon…just wait. Let that hate turn into an obsession with me!!! You know you worship me and you know you will die without me.
There was a moment when I was feeling like I wanted a part-time boyfriend, I didn’t want to commit to an actual boyfriend, so a friend of mine suggested that I hold a contest on who could be my “pet”.
This is how it started.
Requirements:
1. Must endure endless hours of pure clucking. Hard core clucking. In person or text.
2. Must possess a high threshold for mental anguish so I can cluck at you 24/7, even in your dreams.
3. Must be agreeable. Don’t fight it. Just don’t.
4. Must not take things personally.
5. Must never tell me what to do. After all, I’m not YOUR pet.
6. Must not ask a lot of questions. If there’s anyone asking the questions, it’ll be me. Dammit.
7. Must not belong to some psycho weirdo cult. Yeah.
8. Must be visually appealing to me. Don’t make me vomit.
9. Must live in the United States (Canadians are okay).
10. Must be adventurous.
Bonus:
If you like watching Law & Order and all the spin offs.
If you speak more than one language.
If you have a clean crotch.
If you are circumcised.
If you smell good.
If you are funny.
If you cook.
If you are clean. Like anal retentive clean.
If you like to shop. Like really really like.
Benefits:
Honestly, there probably are no benefits to being my pet… but it could be fun.
If you’re interested, send me an e-mail with your name and why you think you would be a great pet for me. Don’t forget to attach a photo of yourself. The application will automatically be denied if there are no photos.
Comment: I am no one’s pet. If anyone is keeping a pet, that would be me!
Comment: LOL @canadians are okay
Comment: 애완남키우기 (raising a pet man)? lol
Comment: You seem like a strange person (aren’t we all?), but one worth knowing!!!
Comment: this is like a disney movie.
Comment: U know u love me
Comment: hahahaha… What picture should I send in?? The one where I’m drunk and my friends have drawn all over my face (on my birthday) or the picture where one of my friends is drunk and we drew all over his face??? lol…
I did end up with nearly 30+ contestants every time I hosted the contest and people were able to vote for their bias. They would range from attorneys, pilots, unemployed, chefs, engineers, and etc. I’d post their pictures and short paragraph about why they ought to be my pet. It was absolutely asinine but incredibly hilarious.
As the years went by, the questions changed slightly.
Me: ok, I think it’s been a minute since i’ve done this… but a former pet of mine suggested that it was time to redo the “pet” applications again. i figured… why the hell not? it’s time to update the roster anyway.
A few of the responses I received from a subsequent pet contest:
Contestant one:
Requirements:
1) Must endure endless hours of pure clucking. Hard core clucking. Only child raise raise by a single mother. nuff said.
2) Must be agreeable. Don’t fight it. Just don’t. “You’re right.”
3) No kids and no wives/husbands. No…seriously. No kids. No wife. check.
4) Must not take things personally. WHAT DID YOU SAY? check.
5) Must never tell me what to do. After all, I’m not YOUR pet. Let’s go grab something to eat.
6) Must not ask a lot of questions. If there’s anyone asking the questions, it’ll be me. Dammit. What time is it?
7) Must not belong to some psycho weirdo cult. Yeah. Sciencetology is not a cult, it’s a way of life!
8) Must be visually appealing to me. In other words, not make me vomit. 5’11 180lbs
Bonus:
If you live in Southern California. Negative.
If you speak more than one language. Thai-Engrish. Check.
If you are circumcised. Check. Check.
If you smell good. That’s usually the first compliment I get on dates.
If you are drug free. I get my drugs for free. Want me to hook you up?
If you tell good bedtime stories. ….and then he got up and screamed “MORE PAD THAI.” (true story)
If you are funny. What do you think?
If you are taller than me. Check.
If you cook. Yes, but tends to be salty and spicy.
If you are clean. Like anal retentive clean. Duhhhh…. I knew I forgot something.
If you like to shop. Like really really like. By like, did you mean follow you around and hold your bags and wait in line for you while you shop some more? Check.
Contestant two:
why me? because I’m pretty cool. And you’re awesome… and you deserve me.
Contestant three:
Let me go over your “requirements” one by one:
1. I’m not much of a talker, so the more you cluck the better.
2. I don’t like to fight over nonsense… let’s get it all out on the table and move on.
3. Single. No illegitimate kids running around, at least that I know of.
4. I’m pretty thick skinned… I don’t really care what people think of me.
5. I won’t boss you around.
6. See answer to #1.
7. No cults… currently churchless at the moment, but I am Christian.
8. I am not fugly.
Bonus:
I live in West LA… NYC transplant.
I speak Korean, can “conversate” and read/write a bit.
I hoodless.
I don’t smell, except after pumping iron at the gym.
I have never taken any illegal drugs. I find other avenues of excitement and highs.
I can tell you any bedtime story you want.
I am 5-7… am I taller than you?
I can cook… my specialty is my famous spaghetti w/ground turkey breast.
I consider myself a clean person.
I don’t like to shop… but I have 2 older sisters, so I can deal with that.
Non-contestant but sent me an e-mail anyway:
hi, i’ve been reading your blog from time to time for a while… and i gotta say i really don’t think i’ve read may more interesting blogs than yours. (most are just too boring to finish.) Your stuff is just really really entertaining to read, especially at work…and more especially at 8 in the morning. Why/How’d you get the idea to enlist a pet anyways? Sorry i can’t apply, i live in ny.
I was able to forge friendships with people through my blog. I discovered others who were going through it and it made me feel seen. I didn’t feel alone anymore. It became more of an unsupervised process group without any therapists. Every day, we divulged our deepest thoughts on my blog. The good, bad, and ugly.
Surprisingly, many of the readers didn’t have their own blog, but they enjoyed reading, lurking, and offering support.
Aside from the pet contests, I held annual contests like who was the sexiest reader on my blog. People were able to vote for their favorite and the winner would receive a monetary prize of $200.
One of several contestants:
Thank you voters of the Sexiest Reader Contest. No other reader has as much fun and meets women, men and even the transgendered on the streets and after hour clubs of San Francisco. Hobbies include exercise, drinking and meeting new people. Currently working on modeling part-time.
Winner:
Katelyn was the final winner before I closed my blog.
Name: Katelyn
Gender: Female
Marital Status: Single
Hello!
I’m just an average girl who enjoys reading about humorous and witty things, (in which my life lacks); hence, I became Rojie’s reader. My life motto is “when life throws you a lemon, make lemonade.”
I have a degree in engineering, and it’s currently hanging on the wall for show; I’ve had the fortunate to practice in field for a few years before the turning point of my life. I started out not too fond of my job because of its redundancy, and just when I was recently starting to enjoy working, I got laid off. Talk about irony.
I was devastated, angry, and felt left out, but I refuse to let it affect my sanity. Sometimes, I feel like Will Smith in the movie, I Am Legend. I wake up every day with a purpose, and that is to be hopeful. Every morning I get up at 8 A.M., eat breakfast, work out, have lunch, seek for jobs, do laundry (if it’s my laundry day), clean the house, go on social media, and then have dinner. I enjoy watching the news and Family Guy. On the weekends, I sing for funerals and weddings at my church, hang out with my friends, and occasionally, I’d go biking, hiking, and beaching (the perks of living in SoCal). I love the outdoors; I think nature is the best gift to mankind. I’m a little bit of a tree hugger, liberal seeker, and mind speaker.
But like they say, all good things must come to an end. I stopped posting… and I eventually deleted my site. I stopped payment on my domain and watched it get swooped up by a business. I did, however, keep my website gmail e-mail. People would e-mail me every now and then, updating me about their lives. Even now, people will randomly e-mail me, wanting to catch up.
I moved on to Instagram and TikTok, where many of my readers found me on my socials.
E-mail: open up ur blog again
And after a few years, I did just that… with the nudge from Zaddy.
I’m older now… not sure if about being wiser, but definitely more tame (because psychological safety is important to me).
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