epic fiasco

LINK: epic fiasco

For almost a year, the three of us (Paulerino, me, and Yummy) lived together in a stable environment. But then, Yummy, decided she wanted to move back to Chicago.

Suddenly, I found myself drowning in loneliness, even though I was dating and living with Paulerino. Depression started to creep in, and I felt lost. Things got even worse when his parents (who are church elders) found out that we were living together. They did a “surprise” visit and when they saw me and all my belongings at his place, they blew a gasket. Never in my life have I heard a woman yell so much in my life. Not even my own mother. They went into the kitchen slamming all the cupboards and bedroom doors demanding to know why I was there. I had no idea that his parents didn’t know about our living arrangements or what he told his parents about us. It didn’t even dawn on me that it would be a thing since he was older than me. Um, I’ve never lived with a dude before so this was uncharted territory for me. They told Paulerino that he either had to marry me or throw me out.

A couple of months later when Paulerino popped the question (maybe he thought it would cheer me up), I said yes, even though deep down, I wasn’t sure if it was what I truly wanted. It was more about doing what was expected of me (by society and our parents) than anything else.

His parents continued to treat me like shit till they met my boujiee ass parents. They thought that I was a gold digger and that I was poor. Why? Because I wasn’t wearing designer clothes 24/7? Because I drove a Japanese car instead of a German car? They dead ass told my parents this.

But as luck would have it, we didn’t end up tying the knot.

There were a shit ton of red flags that I wasn’t aware of until I bought the house.

• I didn’t know that his credit was shit. His credit score was 450. Because his credit was so poor, the house and loan were solely under my name.
• when we decided to share an account together, he was overdrafting weekly. This is a guy who makes six figures and I was making decent change. Where… the… fuck… was our money going? He never had an explanation about it whenever I asked him. He barely had anything in his savings. I closed the account because my credit was getting messy because of him. To this day, I still don’t know if it was spent at strip clubs, women, gambling, or what.
• that when he was younger, he hacked a phone company and the police raided his home. He had multiple felony charges against him that were downgraded to misdemeanors.
• that he was NOT a U.S. citizen despite living in Texas since he was two years old.
• since he was still considered a Korean citizen, if he were to step foot on Korean soil, the military will be waiting for him with a warrant for his arrest and would be forced to serve his mandatory two years.
• his dad didn’t like him riding a motorcycle because he thought it was dangerous. His dad begged dad to give him an ultimatum and when my dad told Paulerino that if he didn’t sell his motorcycle, that he would not be allowed to marry me. When he heard that, he told me that he would never love my parents. Yet… he could love his?
• his parents, who weren’t chipping in for the wedding but demanded that it be held at their church, including inviting their entire congregation, which was over 400 people.
• his dad complaining about why I was spending money on flowers when I could grow them instead.

I called off the wedding just a week before the big day. Let me tell you, canceling a wedding so soon to the wedding date was a cluster fuck. I lost a shit ton of money in the process. I had to sell my house at a loss and say goodbye to all those non-refundable deposits for venues and caterers. I lost over $80,000 in this fiasco. It was a hot fucking mess.

My mom notified my relatives in Korea, who by the way, bought their plane tickets and booked their hotels. They were NOT happy, I’ll tell you that… and I can’t blame them. My friends from Chicago, Minnesota, and Buddy H from California flew out to Dallas anyway and we made the most of it. I was white girl wasted for most of their stay. All they wanted to do was drink, eat, catch a few baseball games, and go clubbing. So that’s what we did. When they left, I felt completely alone and empty.

I wanted to run away.
Flee.
And never look back.

So I packed up my car and drove all the way to California, ready to start all over, set new roots and reconnect with my extended family in the West. Along the way, Paulerino’s mom kept calling me, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I let the calls go to voicemail, and when I finally listened to her message, it hit me right in the feels. She left a heartfelt message in Korean about how she was so sorry for treating me the way that she did, that she didn’t raise her son to act like a child, and that she is so embarrassed over what transpired. She wished that things could have been different and that I would have been her ideal daughter-in-law.