LINK: dear abby,
Currently listening to: Break Your Heart – Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
(That’s all I’m gonna do woman)
Listen, now I’m only gonna break your heart
And shatter and spatter it all into little itty bitty pieces
Whether or not you get it all together
Then its finders keepers and losers weepers
See I’m not trying lead you on, no I’m only trying keep it real
What’s your number one advice for relationships? Or friendships?
Prompt created by yours truly.
Feel free to use any prompts for August that I post and/or tag me.
I’d love to read your responses
Synopsis: Harriet and Jonathan were high school sweethearts. I met Harriet through Big D, back when I was living in Texas and attended their wedding in Cabo San Lucas, MX. The wedding was gorgeous, right off the beach with fresh fish and drinks all day long. I even went parasailing with her cousin. Everyone had such a great time.
Fast forward a couple of years later, Harriet became a big shot attorney. Jonathan, meanwhile, was doing odd jobs here and there until Harriet and her sister set up a studio for him to run since he was creative and very handy. The studio turned out to be doing well and they eventually had a son. From the outside it looked uneventful till a couple of our mutual friends began to DM me, asking me to reach out to Harriet because she was posting questionable things on her socials regarding infidelity and heartbreak.
When I DM’d her, she told me that Jonathan left her and their son for another woman. The paramour is also married and it’s unknown whether or not her husband is aware of the situation.
She didn’t see it coming…
As I was reading all the details she provided me, I couldn’t believe it. I questioned whether or not this was real. In fact, we joked around before about having a reunion with our friends, at Cabo San Lucas. But soon it became very clear that this was in fact real life. She told me that she served him divorce papers two weeks after their son caught him cheating in 4K.
NGL but Jonathan seemed like a beta male (passive, gentle, def not dominant type). Internally, I questioned why Jonathan didn’t leave first? Was he financially tied to her? Was he unsure what he wanted or going through some sort of crisis? Or did he want to have his cake and eat it too? I don’t have any answers to this…
I’m not someone who should be dispensing relationship advice… so instead, I asked my male friends for their hot take on this.
The first question they asked was: how did she treat him?
Hmm… I sat there and I couldn’t really answer that question because I wasn’t there to witness how they interacted behind closed doors, especially since I moved to California and was no longer in Texas. Is it possible that Harriet made him feel less-than because he made less money or for not going to college? Yes, that’s possible, especially when Harriet told me about the other woman and angrily said, “I am superior to her in every way possible.” I mean… she’s probably not wrong, after all, she makes a shit ton of money, she’s intelligent, and she’s very pretty.
Then I asked my female therapist friends and they told me that every so often, women have to actually say thank you to their partner and show gratitude. Despite men typically being the ones who give compliments versus receiving them, they still appreciate feeling valuable, desirable, loved, and noticed. And that being a man doesn’t negate their human need for connection, support, and love.
A psychiatric nurse practitioner friend told me that the secret to her long marriage was that she treated her husband like a boyfriend. Go out. Keep it interesting and fun. Don’t get complacent just because it’s stable.
I do my best not to judge people for their transgressions because I know what it’s like to be judged. I’ve been judged my whole life by my parents, the Korean society, the Christians at the churches I’ve attended, my colleagues, close friends, and family members. Instead, I try to understand the situation and how things came about.
Now, I’m not justifying what Jonathan did nor am I giving him a pass over what happened. But I also feel like I don’t have the full story of what transpired either. I don’t know what happens behind closed doors.
I am however, Harriet’s friend. I told her that if she wanted to come out to California to let loose, to let me know. And if she was going to have a divorce party, our California group would trek down to Texas to help celebrate. She laughed and was grateful knowing that we were supportive and had her back.
What do you think? I’m curious to hear other’s thoughts about this…
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