charlie

LINK: charlie

Trigger warning: death
Are you there Charlie? It’s me, Rojie.

I wish I were in Chicago. It would be good to see everyone again, especially your sisters. I haven’t seen them in awhile. I wish I could do more for them, but I’m a wreck myself.

You would have been the life of the party.
We would have laughed about Nick and “Coconut Girl” for the billionth time.
We would have drank your favorite, liquid cocaine.
We would have raced down LSD (Lake Shore Drive) like our lives depended on it.
We would have drank until we were out of control. Again.

It should be you dancing the night away, having all the girls all up on you…
It should be you coming up behind me, giving me the biggest hug.
It should be you getting in mini dramas with Brian, but later making up.
It should be you that I’m laughing with when I hear you say, “Rojie got 뚱땡, in the 궁댕”.
It should be you having the time of your life with your friends and fam.

You came to me, when things didn’t work out with girls.
I tried to console you, but I don’t think I did a very good job.
In fact, I think I sucked, but at least I made you laugh.
I wonder if you’re there.
Watching me. Watching my life fall apart.

Sometimes I’ll be in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking.
Thinking about you.
Thinking about my dad.
Thinking about my mom.
Thinking about my brother.
Thinking about life.
Where am I going?
What am I doing?
I’m beginning to think that I think too much.

I’m wondering if you’re okay over there with my dad. I know he’s not your dad, but I’m sure he’ll take good care of you.

It’s almost as if the past few months have been a bad dream and when I wake up, everything would be the way that it’s supposed to be. Except it doesn’t. Everything seems to have gone to shit since you passed away. None of us are the same anymore. This isn’t the way it was supposed to end.

I miss you.
Everyone misses you.

Love,

Rojie

P.S. Watch over us and give my Dad a hug for me.