LINK: better luck tomorrow
Currently listening to: Damn I Wish I was Your Lover – Sophie B. Hawkins
Damn, I wish I was your lover
I’ll rock you ’til the daylight comes
Make sure you are smilin’ and warm
I am everything, tonight I’ll be your mother
I’ll do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won’t feel ashamed
I had a relapse…
I started with good intentions. I went on IG and deleted my grid. Buh bye to all my reels and posts, I felt like I wanted to reset my account because it wasn’t inspiring me anymore. If anything, scrolling through it had me feeling some type of way because I was looking at a version of myself that I felt like I’ve outgrown.
Then I made the mistake of going into my FYP (for you page).
One reel led to another and before I knew it, I was getting sucked into mindless scrolling. I felt like my brain cells were rotting away again. And if you must know, it was about AI fruit and animal micro dramas. I don’t even know how it ended up on my feed. But apparently, I needed to make it worse, my curiosity wandered and I found myself on my exes’ profiles. I’m not sure what I was looking for, but I was there. Whatever I was looking for, I didn’t find it. Instead, I had major regrets. I felt like shit afterward. Ugh, IDK why I do this to myself.
As Janet Jackson wisely put it, “that’s the way love goes”. Le sigh.
On a side note…
Two months off caffeine… till today.
I got to my office to find a surprise waiting for me… an ube cream Vietnamese coffee, left by a coworker before I even arrived. Of all the things to tempt me. I love ube and I love coffee…
I tried to talk myself into giving it away but nobody was around and I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away… a $6 drink with ube cream sitting on top like that. So instead, I sipped on it slowly throughout the day. Under normal circumstances, I would have guzzled it down within thirty minutes.
It was potent and sweet and after two months of being caffeine-free, I felt the full effects. But the timing could not have been more perfect because I only got three and a half hours of sleep the night before due to work. I was able to lock in and knock out all my documentation for the day. It was as if I took a couple of Addies (Adderall).
Even though it was good, I know I have to stop. I’m cutting myself off again after today and hoping that in the future I won’t be such a milksop…
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