the breakup

LINK: the breakup

Currently listening to: Poker Face – Lady Gaga

I wanna hold ’em like they do in Texas, please
Fold ’em, let ’em hit me, raise it, baby, stay with me (I love it)
LoveGame intuition, play the cards with spades to start
And after he’s been hooked, I’ll play the one that’s on his heart

Preface: stalkerazzi

In an earlier post, I wrote about being a target at work by a horrible director. I thought I would expand on what happened and why it was traumatic for me.

I apologize in advance for the long post.

I gave that job everything I had. I loved all my patients, even the ones who were irritable and spewed racist slurs at me. I wanted to make a difference, to help save lives. There, I learned which staff needed encouragement on difficult days and knew their strengths, and built upon them. Together, we worked like a well-oiled machine. We busted our asses there every day and I really thought I would stay there forever. I honestly believed that this was my calling.

So when I was nominated for Employee of the Year alongside a colleague from another department, Bailey–my first response was delight and honor. I had gotten to know Bailey and spent time with her outside of work. I was truly happy for her. She worked just as hard as I did. Unfortunately, Bailey didn’t feel the same way. She saw me as a threat, a competition, and started quietly campaigning to sway votes her way. I was oblivious to it all because I was too busy working.

That’s when hairline fracture began.

My director, Priya, had cozied up to Bailey. Up until then, Priya and I had been on good terms, she invited a handful of us to her home several times for meals, drinks, and to hang out. I got to know her family, especially her mother, who introduced us to incredible Indian dishes (honestly, some of the best I’ve eaten till this day). So you can understand why the sudden change would have blindsided me.

A week after the nominations were announced, Bailey started ignoring me in the hallways, even when I would wave or say “hi” to her. There was an instance when I overheard her badmouthing me to her team. Then my colleagues began confiding in me that they were being targeted too. Yogurt was dumped on someone’s car in the middle of summer. Tires slashed. A cockroach was found in a coworker’s coffee mug. Rumors abut a colleague being pregnant when she wasn’t. Things kept disappearing or getting “misplaced”. We started locking our personal belongings and labeling everything with our names on them.

We reported it to Human Resources, but without any tangible or hard proof pointing to specific people, nothing was going to happen. They tried to reassure us that they would “look into it.” But nothing changed. Meanwhile, Priya and Bailey’s circle would laugh… no they would fucking cackle like witches, whenever something disgusting or cruel turned up. I’ll never forget the sound of them cackling with glee while we were being subjected to their bullshit.

I tried to compartmentalize things because I had patients booked back to back. I needed to keep my composure and be professional. So I kept going on with my day and put my head down for over a month while the hostility simmered.

Fast forward to the day of the gala, where all the nominees were invited to attend. When the president called my name as the winner, I thought it was a joke. I hadn’t expected this at all. I went on stage and was presented with a generous check and was asked to say a few words. I was ill-prepared, but graciously took the mic and thanked the entire staff on my team. I, then, looked at Bailey. I stated that I wanted to thank Bailey and that I wouldn’t be standing here without colleagues like her and that we had both won. She straight up rolled her eyes at me and I saw her ego deflate in her seat. For the rest of the night, she had a sour look on her face and acted like I didn’t exist.

The next day, I tried to offer an olive branch to mend things. I spent a considerable amount of money catering lunch for both departments to celebrate our nominations, hoping that we could move past it. But instead, it backfired. Bailey and Priya colluded even more than ever before, things became even nastier and the harassment only got more intense. Colleagues started having panic attacks and menty b’s at work. I’d go into the bathroom and I’d hear people in the stalls doing deep breathing exercises to activate their parasympathetic nervous system.

This became our new normal. Nine whole fucking months of it. Nine months of feeling like that little girl back in Minnesota being bullied on the bus, on the playground, in class, and even in my own front yard. I never asked for any of this. My friends and I were cracking slowly and surely, we didn’t know how much longer we could take…

They even started targeting the security guards we became friendly with. With any small infraction, they called HR. I don’t even know how they could command such power to where it affected an entire building. To protect them, we stopped chatting with security and magically, the bullying toward them stopped too. That’s when we realized that they wanted to alienate others and make us feel isolated. They were mentally trying to break us down into pieces.

Then, out of nowhere, my former area director, Trinity, reached out. She was at a new organization now and had an “opportunity” for me. She asked if I was interested. Fuck yes, I was. She asked if I could interview soon. I felt like this was fate. I blurted, “OMG, yes. Tell me when and where.” She said arrangements were made for me to interview the next evening after my shift. I eagerly agreed and asked what I ought to bring. She replied” Just your CV… and keep it discreet.”

I went to work and tried to act normal the next day. As soon as my shift ended, I ran to my car and changed my clothes, shoes, and applied makeup before driving over. Seven members from leadership grilled me on clinical knowledge, scrutinized my CV line by line, then asked me what my current salary was. When I answered, one lady smirked. “Yeah, you can definitely make more here.” They gave me a verbal tentative offer on the spot—contingent on drug screen, fingerprints, and credentialing, which they said they would expedite. They asked me how fast I could start working with them, I said I’d like to give two weeks’ notice for professional courtesy. Then I was told me to watch my e-mail for the written tentative offer and directions for the next steps.

For the first time in months, I felt hopeful.

Two days later, I received a written tentative offer and the instructions arrived on where to go for the drug test and prints, where to fill out the online forms for credentialing. I completed everything quickly. A week later, Trinity texted: “You’re good to go. Put in your notice.”

I had a resignation letter drafted in my work e-mail for days. I read it one last time before hitting send. Almost ten minutes later, I heard Priya telling Bailey that I put in my notice. They sounded stunned. Maybe they thought I would have stay forever because I was too loyal and dedicated to my team and patients. But then again, I sincerely thought I would be there till I retired but that was then and this is now.

Afterward, I quietly told my trusted colleagues where I was going. They were sad for themselves but happy for me. Several asked if there might be openings for them too. I promised I wouldn’t forget them but I needed to check the vibe out first to make sure that it was a good fit for us. I didn’t want to drag them with me to a place that could potentially be worse than where we were currently, not that any place could be worse but I wanted to be 100% certain. They understood and agreed.

Counting down those final two weeks felt like the longest days of my life. But every day, I felt braver and lighter, as if a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulder. On my last day, my coworkers threw me a small goodbye party. Bailey, Priya, and their crew were nowhere to be found. In fact, they hadn’t spoken to me since I put in my resignation. I wish I could have said the same for everyone else, but the truth of the matter was, things were escalating for them. One colleague already quit without notice. It deeply upset me because she was a good person and watching her leave after everything she had given to the job broke me.

I quietly placed all my belongings in a small box and carried it to my car. I took one last deep breath in the parking lot and drove away. I was scared about what was going to happen next but also relieved.

I started the new job the very next day. It wasn’t perfect but it felt… good. It was healthy. It was professional. People did their work. There were clear rules and structure, an environment where I seem to thrive. There were no mean girl cliques, just the usual workplace gossip. My old coworkers kept texting me updates: Priya was still furious that I had the audacity to leave and Bailey was relentlessly putting people through hell.

A month in and I felt a bit more settled. I felt confident enough to start sharing job postings with my former colleagues. One by one, they applied and within three months, half of the medical staff followed—attendings, fellows, and nurses. I even recruited the some of the receptionists, data analysts, and other ancillary team members. The new place was thrilled to have so many skilled and hard workers. We were all able to do our jobs without retaliation and fear. I stayed in touch with a few who remained behind and heard that Priya was spiraling after the mass exodus. Leadership took notice after they lost a considerable amount of staff and she was eventually demoted and then let go.

A year into my new role, my coworkers, new directors and leadership nominated me to be an honoree in healthcare leadership. I was invited to attend the ceremony with my coworkers (who escaped with me) and Trinity. This event was recognizing employees at multiple organizations across the state and I was told that it was a pretty big fucking deal. When we got there, I spotted Priya across the ballroom, hundreds of people were present, but I saw her immediately. She was dressed immaculately and at a table full of other people whom I didn’t recognize. I figured it was people at her current job. Our eyes met briefly and she quickly looked away. Neither of us said a word.

As I sat in my chair, a word that popped up in my thoughts. It was karma. It works in magical ways… the cause and effect. We could have all stayed together and be a dysfunctional but happy family but no. It wasn’t meant to be.

… and when I heard my name announced and clapping, I imagined her hating her life and my little guts… and that put a smile on my face.