in remembrance

LINK: in remembrance

Currently listening to: Risk It All – Bruno Mars

I would run through a fire just to be by your side
If your heart’s on the line, you could take mine

My second cousin texted me yesterday with the news that her aunt Mary passed away. Mary was one of my mom’s closest friends for decades. Mary and her husband were one of the first Koreans who befriended my parents when they first moved to Minnesota. Despite her being 15 years older than my mom, Mary, became her mentor and helped her navigate life in MSP. She introduced her to the other Koreans in the community, shared the resources, and made my parents feel welcomed and that they belonged.

We all attended the same church for many years despite the churches splitting and having a fallout. You’d think that churches wouldn’t have so much drama but TBH, they have the MOST drama. Our families spent a lot of time at each other’s homes and because they lived about 20 minutes away from us, we grew closer to them because of this.

Life had a funny way of pulling us all in different directions. Around the time I moved out to California, Mary and her husband did too, settling near their self-made multi-millionaire son who lived right off the beach in his mansion. Being with them felt like old times reborn. We reminisced about our Minnesota days and laughed so much. But the joy was fleeting, and soon tragedy struck. Mary’s husband who was larger-than-life suffered a stroke. He was a forced to be reckoned with and a large man. Unfortunately, his health declined rapidly after that and it wasn’t long before he passed, leaving both the widows to grieve together.

A couple of years later, Mary developed dementia. I witnessed it slowly stealing her sharp mind piece by piece. Her son decided to move back to Illinois to reunite with his sisters so they could surround her with family.

My mom stayed connected and was calling frequently up until last year, desperately trying to stay a loyal friend. But the conversations grew bittersweet. Mary would ask about my deceased dad, despite his passing, or chat about my brother and me like we were still in elementary school. Her long-term memories from decades past held strong for a while but last months even those faded. She couldn’t recall my mom’s name anymore. I think this broke my mom because it seemed as though all those shared moments were now erased.

Watching Mary’s cognitive decline must have frightened her. She confided in me that if she ever had dementia, she hoped she would pass soon after. I gently told her, “If you had it, you might not even know…” She reminded me of her wishes to be a DNR (do not resuscitate) in any medical emergency. I urged her to tell my brother because I didn’t have any problem respecting people’s advanced directives. Everyone should have a choice…

I was able to get Mary’s eldest daughter’s home address. Since we aren’t able to attend the funeral in Illinois, my mom asked me to order white orchids to send to Mary’s family. The ones pictured are the ones I am having delivered in a couple of days.

It’s awful to lose another legend like Mary. I am also saddened for her family, my mom, and those who were lucky enough to know her…