LINK: 눈치 (nunchi)
Currently listening to: Tattoo – Loreen
Until we meet again
‘Cause this is not the end
It will come a day
When we will find our way
Violins playin’ and the angels cryin’
When the stars align, then I’ll be there
No, I don’t care about them all
‘Cause all I want is to be loved
And all I care about is you
You’re stuck on me like a tattoo
Reading the room has been something that my mom stressed that I acquire at a young age. She said that it was one of the most important skills a person could have, especially for a woman. According to her, she can read people faster than I ever could. And honestly, she’s probably right. She’s older and has had more life experience than I have.
She always claimed she could tell when I was lying, and I never doubted it. I’m a terrible liar. I learned at an early age that honesty was a lot less exhausting than trying to fake anything around her. But that didn’t stop her from nagging me to death.
But it’s more than just reading the room; it’s sensing what’s unsaid. It’s the quiet awareness of other’s emotions, moods, and expectations without needing to ask. It’s identifying the subtle shift in someone’s tone, the way their shoulders drop, or the energy in the space changing ever so slightly.
I would say that my nunchi is on point. I can anticipate people’s needs before they say a word, and for a long time, iI made it my responsibility to make sure everyone was comfortable, even if it meant ignoring my own needs. Needless to say, I don’t do it as much anymore outside of work. It’s very exhausting and takes up too much bandwidth.
My non-Korean friends sometimes ask me how they can learn nunchi. I wouldn’t have the first idea on how to teach this in a traditional sense. It’s not a checklist or algorithm that can be followed. It’s been a part of our culture for thousands and thousands of years. It’s not to say that all Koreans have this but there are more than enough who do have it. All I can say is that I learned it by watching, by listening… by being quiet long enough to notice what people aren’t saying. Also, there’s a book called The Power of Nunchi: The Korean Secret to Happiness and Success that I’ve recommended to my non-Korean.
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