Currently listening to: Here Without You – 3 Doors Down
I’m here without you, baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you, baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it’s only you and me, yeah
Back when we were in uni, I wasn’t exercising at all and somehow managed to put on a solid sophomore 25 (pounds)—freshman year, I was living off campus with my cousin and we walked miles to get to class and by the time we got back, we were too tired to go out to eat. Sophomore year, I lived on campus. Everything was accessible by walking just a few feet. While most people talk about the “freshman 15,” my gut was working overtime pushing to 25 my second year. My routine was pretty much studying, going to classes, camping out in the library, working part-time, and eating way too much late-night Chinese takeout. Studying into the early hours fueled by MSG, chicken Chow Fun, and coffee was my life. Toss in weekend parties and a sedentary lifestyle, the pounds added up fast.
My parents were NOT happy about the weight gain, that’s for sure. They tried to bring my old treadmill up to my dorm. Luckily, there was no room in my small single dorm but yeah, I was fucking embarrassed. I had no one to blame but myself. No one forced me to eat the hot garbage I was ingesting every day. They commented on how my arms looked flabby, my face lost it’s angular look and it looked fat and roundish, and how my butt and thighs exploded—in Korean of course. Every time they saw me on the weekends, they looked at me in disgust.
Around that same time, my cousin and I were both working retail jobs at the mall. On days when our shifts lined up, we’d meet up afterward, do full faces of makeup (multiple layers of full coverage foundation, at least two to four layers and then I’d wonder why my face would break out with zits) like we were getting ready for something important (we weren’t), grab Starbs, wander through the shops for hours on end, and try on prom or gala dresses just for fun. We’d hype each other up, take a million pictures, and pretend we had some glamorous event to go to. Delulu? Hells, yes, but we had fun.
I miss those simpler times…
P.S. I’m super self-conscious about my weight and yes, I did have an eating disorder (anorexia in high school) and binging no purging at uni.
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