Currently listening to: 진 (Jin) – Don’t Say You Love Me
I really thought I made up my mind
Hopped in the car and put it in drive
I tried to leave like a hundred times
But something’s stopping me every time, oh-ho
I get invited to soirées and events where the socialites come out—where people seem to glide into rooms as if they were born knowing how to network, charm, and take up space effortlessly. Five Star and her sister’s circle are definitely connected. Celebrities? Yeah, they know them. I’ve met tons of producers, directors, and actors.
And then there’s members in my fam, who seem to casually know people in professional sports and the hella affluent folks. At one birthday party, I was introduced to a few pro athletes. I had no idea who they were—only that they were very tall and dressed like they belonged on GQ covers. Meanwhile, I was just trying to figure out if it would be rude to walk away from the conversation to get another piece of cheese from the charcuterie board.
Most of the time at these events, I find myself either glued to my fam or friends or standing quietly, sipping water, grazing the snack table, and listening more than I talk. Not because I don’t have thoughts—but because I don’t know much about sports, and I’ve never lived the kind of life where private chefs and stylists are the norm. I know celebrity culture mostly from gossip tabloids, and that doesn’t feel like solid ground to build a conversation on.
So I stay quiet. I’d rather observe than risk saying something awkward or inappropriate, or misreading the room. And after about a hour of small talk, my social battery is running on fumes. All I want is to go home, put on my pajamas, and decompress in peace by rotting in bed… doomscrolling or reading y’alls blogs.
Why am I like this?
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