in the bathroom

Currently listening to: TiK ToK – Ke$ha

Don’t stop, make it pop, D.J., blow my speakers up
Tonight, I’ma fight ’til we see the sunlight
Tik tok, on the clock, but the party don’t stop, no

When I was a child, some nights felt endless. I’d find myself curled over on the bathroom toilet in the middle of the night, wracked with pain, maybe four out of every seven nights. It could’ve been the cold, something I ate, or maybe just something my body was trying to figure out on its own. Even now, I’m not entirely sure.

But one thing was constant: I never called for my mom when this happened. It was always my dad. I would scream, “아빠 (Appa)!” and somehow, even half-asleep, he would know exactly where to find me—writhing in the bathroom, trying to endure it.

There was something incredibly comforting in that. Knowing he was there. Knowing that no matter how many times I called out, he would always appear without hesitation.

When I got a little older, I started becoming more self-conscious. I realized the bathroom was basically a gas chamber at that point, and I didn’t want to torture him with the stench pouring out of me. So I’d ask him, shyly, to wait just outside the door. He never complained. He’d just sit there nodding off, a silent presence on the other side, close enough that I could still feel safe, but far enough to spare us both some dignity.

This wasn’t a once-in-a-while thing, either. It would happen multiple times a night, each episode lasting anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes. And still, he came every time I screamed like a banshee.

Eventually, my parents took me to Korean medicine doctors. For a couple of years, it was a steady routine of acupuncture sessions and drinking thick, earthy herbal concoctions that tasted like the earth itself—bitter, heavy, and absolutely disgusting. My chi was blocked according to the practitioner.

Now? It’s rare. Maybe a handful of times a year, if that. My body eventually found its balance or the treatment worked.


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41 responses to “in the bathroom”

  1. Hazel Avatar

    Oh, thank God it was the past, and the present is better now, rojie. I admire your so kind and loving “Appa”. Stay healthy and blessed!

    1. justrojie Avatar

      He was awesome 🙂

      1. Hazel Avatar

        Surely, I feel it.

  2. Jesse Pallante Avatar

    That was good of your Appa to stay with you all those nights. He is a saint definitely. Thank heavens it is over. Yes definitely stay healthy.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Yes!! Thank you, Jesse!

  3. Samantha Josephine (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ Avatar

    That’s good that you had this support system. 🙂

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Yeah! It was an awful time

  4. Violet Lentz Avatar

    What a terrible thing to have to endure as a child. I am so glad you had your father’s support.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you!! I’m glad that I did too!

  5. Prog2Goal Avatar

    Bathroom emergencies are never pleasant. I’m happy it’s (for the most part) solved for you.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you!! I’m so relieved too

  6. Maddie Cochere Avatar

    That is so unusual, yes? In all your education, have you ever found what could have caused that in you as a child? Thankfully, this rarely happens now. Phew! Your father was an angel.

    You had the Post Malone song Circles noted recently. I forgot to tell you I love that song. Sometimes, I put it on a loop and let it go. Have no idea why I like it so much, but I do. 🙂

    1. justrojie Avatar

      I wonder if it was stress induced? I had extensive piano lessons starting at age four, math homework that my dad was having me do, along with getting bullied at school and in the neighborhood. Or could be other issues too.

      I love postie!! I love his music. I’m still debating about going to his concert here but I hate the venue cause the music doesn’t sound as good and it takes an hour to get outta the parking lot

      1. Maddie Cochere Avatar

        Stress! What an ugly monster. Stress is responsible for a plethora of ailments. 🙁

        Go! It’s Postie! Unless you think you might catch him some day in another venue.

        1. justrojie Avatar

          I’ll have to see, I think he’s touring with jelly roll too!

  7. Devendr Avatar

    This brought tears to my eyes. The quiet strength of a father, showing up without complaint, just to make his child feel safe—it’s deeply moving. The love in those small, sleepless acts is more powerful than words. Thank you for sharing such a raw and beautiful memory.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you so much, Devendr!! He was a remarkable man!

  8. Info-Man Avatar

    Dads are the safest place in the world 😄. Whenever I am ill he takes care of me more than my mom .

    1. justrojie Avatar

      They really are! I’m glad your dad is there for you too

  9. Nicholas K F Matte Avatar

    Ya!!! You had a VERY nice Dad Rojie, this really showed his love for you. It’s good that it’s receeded and under control bud

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thanks, Nico!!

  10. quantumkindy Avatar

    Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. Your father is amazing, I’m happy you had his love to help you get through that. Sending positive energy ✨

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you so much!!

  11. Sanny Avatar

    Your dad was the best. I am glad you got some relief. That sounded like a nightmare.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      He really was… and it was a nightmare for years!

  12. Sanny Avatar

    😖

  13. Darcy Baldwin-Miller Avatar

    Your Dad seemed a wonderful man. Your relationship with each other was beautiful to read about. Glad you found relief from the pain and thank you for sharing your story. 🙂

    1. justrojie Avatar

      thank you so much, Darcy!

  14. Attun Avatar

    Omg I love TiK ToK

    1. justrojie Avatar

      same!!

  15. Bling Viera Avatar

    You’re such a good writer.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      thank you, bling!!

  16. April Avatar

    that’s so sweet 🥺 of your dad.

    I absolutely had no idea that there is Korean medicine too? I love diving in Ayurveda, Chinese Medicine, Unani Medicine. I am gonna Google Korean Medicine….that sounds so interesting!

    So happy that the treatment worked! do they take our pulse in consideration or how do they go about it

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Haha yes it’s a little bit different but like traditional Chinese medicine, I find it to be effective to some degree

      1. April Avatar

        I saw one video on it –it seems fab!

  17. ibarynt Avatar

    Your father raised the bar so high Rojie.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Maybe too high 😂

      1. ibarynt Avatar

        I know, the present men today do not come close but they exist, just requires more sifting 😅. I sincerely hope and pray you meet a man your father would be proud of 🤗🤗

        1. justrojie Avatar

          Thank you, Iba!!

  18. Danny*Fantod Avatar

    That’s rough. Glad it is more rare for you now and that you had that support as a child.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you, Danny!

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