Currently listening to: Circles – Post Malone
Preface: dirty girl era

Don’t judge. I was going through a weird time in my life after my parents cut me off financially and I was living in Chicago at the time. I’m channeling like a K-pop version of… IDK. At that time, I was in a K-pop dance group with three of my guy friends.
I was rather feral around this time, I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I should have been. We were eating hot garbage because we were too lazy to cook anything or go anywhere. Most of time it was ramen noodles or food that people brought over when we had parties. I had a baller friend who took pity on me and would take me and Yummy to the riverboat casinos to eat at their buffet. We ate till we got sick because we weren’t sure when we were going to eat another nice meal.
There were stretches where I didn’t shower for days—I’m pretty sure this photo was taken on day three, heading into day four. I was disgusting, I know. But hey, if we were going clubbing, I at least had the decency to clean up for that.
At the time, I was living with the blonde girl (everyone called her White Girl—not original, I know. She called herself 공주, pronounced “gongju” which means princess in Korean) next to me and Yummy, who was behind the camera because she didn’t want to be in the pics. Most of my closest friends were guys, with only a few girls I kept around. Even that had its drama.
Our weekends were ratchet to the max. Partying irresponsibly, drinking too much, dabbling in things we shouldn’t have. I remember one night after leaving the club, I rolled down the back window and yelled at a Korean guy in the parking lot if he wanted to “party in my 반수 (underwear).” To my surprise, he nodded and hopped into our SUV.
Before I could even blink, Gongju claimed him. Classic move—she was always blocking me from having extracurricular fun. I think most Asian men found her exotic because she was Caucasian and she spoke Korean, acted Korean, cooked Korean food, and strictly dated Korean men. Only.
We got back to our place and she led him straight into her room. We all heard them getting it on. I just shrugged, went to my room, and took a hot long shower to scrub off the hours of sweat and regret. Then I passed out.
The next morning, I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. As I was heading back to my room, I bumped into him. And let me tell you—he did NOT look like the same guy from the night before. Reality hit hard. He looked embarrassed, sheepishly saying, “I’m sorry, I should’ve picked you instead.” I laughed and replied, “Nah, dude. We’re good.” He then picked up his belongings and headed out the door.
About a half hour later, Gongju emerged from her room looking like a bird had nested in her hair. Our friends and I looked at her, and asked, “Well??” She just waved her pinky finger in the air without saying a word.
We all knew what that meant…
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