Currently listening to: Casual – Chappell Roan
Knee deep in the passenger seat
And you’re eating me out
Is it casual now?
What is a difficult truth you had to accept?
Prompt snagged from: TCMC
Below is an e-mail I wrote a while back for closure, though it never truly gave me that.
Am I the villain? Because even after I wrote this, things didn’t end between us till he was blocked.
We’re like magnets that repel and attract.
Maybe we’re both toxic.
Funny how he can still get me in a chokehold even now…
Dear Zaddy:
I’ve been thinking a lot these past few weeks about you, me… us. I really think that things started off very wrong between us and that it has accumulated to even more hurt for the both of us and I don’t know if there’s any way to rectify things.
I can honestly say that for the past months, that I have loved you and that every time that we spoke or saw one another, I was genuinely elated and over the moon. I wanted to be with you for a very very long time, till we grew old together. I would often daydream about us living happily ever after, all the places we’d go together and see. I thought of all the good and bad times we would share together but be happy knowing that we were together. You have made me feel emotions that I thought I was incapable of feeling. It was frightening but by the same token, it was also refreshing that I am able to experience those moments. You don’t know how much I would wish that you hadn’t moved… and that I could see your face and hear you laugh on a daily basis.
I think you’ll always be the one who got away but at the same time, I have to realize that it was you who has let me go long ago. I must be silly or stupid to continue insisting that we belong together despite you telling me on numerous occasions that I am not the one. I have listened to everything you’ve said and re-read everything you’ve written. Your words to me are crystal clear, especially that day I was driving home and you told me over the phone that I needed to start over with someone else and that we were done. I would be a fool to be so persistent with someone who has told me over and over that it wasn’t going to work out between us.
I know that you are a very busy person and I don’t want to waste any more of your precious time. With everything that’s been said and done, I think what you said has finally sunk in… that we need to be with other people and start afresh. If we continue on this road, it’s just prolonging the inevitable… and I don’t want to do that anymore…
– rojie
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