polyamorous

Currently watching: Monsters – The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story (on Netflix)

I met Ali through a mutual acquaintance.  I can’t say that I knew Sally that well but she seemed worldly and knew tons of people.

The more I got to know Ali, the more fascinating he became to me.  He was from Pakistan, had his bachelors in business, and gentle demeanor.  It’s funny when Americans call me “dear” I would find it condescending but when my Indian or Pakistani friends call me “dear” or “dearest”, it seems endearing.  Make it make sense.

At any rate, the more Ali and I spoke, I found myself enjoying his company.  We discovered that we had a lot in common. Being a first generation American, to Asian immigrant parents who didn’t speak English well, is something that most people wouldn’t understand…unless you were in the same boat.  We talked about our dreams, aspirations, the struggle, and the challenges we faced.  Am I an American now even though people may not accept me because of how I look?  I’m not white…but I know that if I were to go to my motherland, I would not be fully accepted there because they viewed me as a 교포 and that I’ve lost my roots.  To them I was a banana, yellow on the outside, white on the inside.

I told him that I prefer that we don’t talk on the phone or video chat when we weren’t seeing each other in person…because if we’re going to be honest, I hate talking on the phone and his voice was like nails on a chalkboard.  I really did not like the sound of his voice at all.   It was super cringy to me.

Every day and throughout the days, he would write me uplifting e-mails and texts that were positive. With that being said, then of course came the love bombing.  He was super attentive, wanted to know every detail about me.  He was definitely laying it on thick.  Too thick if you ask me…to the point where he became highly sus and it was majorly turning me off.  The more he tried to pull me towards him, the more resistant I became.

I found myself less receptive to his attention and was not responding as quickly or as often as before.  After over two weeks without communicating, he told me that he was moving back to his motherland to be closer to his family, NGL but I was somewhat relieved.  I was racking my brain, trying to figure out a way to let him down gently.  I saw this situationship going nowhere and the novelty had worn off.

He looked at me and asked if I’d marry him.  I had the most puzzled look on my face because we weren’t even at that level.  I’ve never touched him except to give him a side hug as we said our goodbyes whenever we saw one another.  I replied, “No.  Where’s this coming from?”  Then he explained that he thought I would be a good asset to his family.  Um…what?  Like I’m property or some shit?

He sensed my demeanor switching quickly.  I was insulted.  What in the actual fuck, Ali?  He confessed that he was married and had two small children back in Pakistan.  He wanted me to fly back home with him and be a part of his family…and to be his second wife.  He was certain that his wife would accept me.

I told him, “Immediately, no.  I’m not about that life.”  He tried to justify how his wife was the outcome of an arranged marriage, it was a family obligation, and that he did not have passionate feelings nor any excitement towards her like the way he does for me.  “She is a good mother but I do not love her.  I think I could love you.”  I nearly lost my shit.  Holy fucking shit.

I became irate that he hadn’t told me about his “secret family” after months of knowing each other and that he had the audacity to ask me to be his second wife.  Like when was he going to tell me this shit?  Yeah, I am familiar about Sharia law…Islam, and having up to four wives but dude, that was not for me.  It may be fine for others and halal but that’s not my thing.  Also, knowing full well that my parents had an arranged marriage made me feel a certain way.

I walked away from him and told him never to reach out to me again.  Ever.  I got out of there like a bat out of hell. But he didn’t listen.  Instead, he bombarded me with calls and texts, till I texted him back to “kick rocks” and quickly blocked him from everything.

I can’t tell you what happened after because I never talked to him again.