i hate it here (rojie’s version)

I can laugh about it now but at the time it wasn’t funny.  It was rather dark and scary.

We had gone to Morongo for an overnight trip.  I’ve never been there and I wasn’t much of a gambler.  He drove us from Culver City to the casino.  When we got there, we dropped off our belongings in the room.  I had my day bag full of clothes, makeup, and laptop.

As he went to the bathroom, I noticed that sinking feeling in my gut. I knew he had just done a line. Whenever he was using, he turned into Jekyll and Hyde. It was like walking on eggshells around him. I took a deep breath and braced myself for what was to come.

We headed downstairs to the tables.  Initially, we sat down at the same blackjack table but soon after, he got up and went to another table.  I decided to stay where I was because I was on a winning streak.

When I decided I had enough, I got up to look for him. I found him arguing with the dealer, and I pulled him aside, suggesting that we go upstairs to chill. But by that point, he had consumed copious amounts of alcohol, and his anger was escalating.

He told me to “fuck off,” and I knew I didn’t want to stay with him any longer. I could sense how the night was going to end, and it terrified me. I frantically called my friend Buddy H, even though I knew it was a lot to ask. He was living in Pasadena at the time, over an hour away, but I didn’t know who else to turn to. Thankfully, Buddy H graciously offered to come and pick me up in the middle of the night.

During that time, I was arguing with him to let me grab my belongings from the hotel room, but he was yelling at me and refusing to let me leave. When Buddy H finally arrived at the casino, I met him with tears in my eyes. I explained the situation to him, but I couldn’t go with him because my bag and laptop were being held hostage.

Buddy H asked if I was okay, and I shook my head. I wasn’t, but I felt trapped. I couldn’t leave without my things. He questioned me multiple times if I was going to stay, and reluctantly, I said that I was, promising to text him in the morning.  I could see the look of disappointment in his eyes as I waved goodbye to him.

I went back to the tables to see him flirting with a blonde.  I inwardly cursed myself for being so stupid…now I’m stuck with this asshole. I stayed up, wandering around the casino, feeling lost and trapped. Round and round I went until he finally texted me that he was ready to go to the room and pass out.

To be continued…