the bolter (rojie’s version)

LINK: the bolter (rojie’s version)

Currently listening to: The Bolter – Taylor Swift

All her fuckin’ lives
Flashed before her eyes
(And she realized)
It feels like the time
She fell through the ice
Then came out alive

Foofie

When I met Foofie’s mother for the first time, it was the beginning of the end. As soon as we exchanged pleasantries, I could see the pride radiating from her eyes. She was clearly pleased with her son and herself for raising such a specimen. Meanwhile, I was standing there, internally mortified, because the truth was, I had no desire to marry him.

Within the first five minutes of our meeting, she dropped the bombshell question, “So, when are you two getting married?” Her questioning took me by surprise, my brain went into panic mode, and before I could filter my thoughts, I blurted out, “I don’t know…” Cue the awkward silence. Her curiosity piqued and she delved further into our relationship.

As if the interrogation during our first encounter wasn’t enough, Foofie’s mother took it upon herself to invade my personal space through texts and calls. Suddenly my phone was buzzing with messages and calls from her. I reached my breaking point. I couldn’t take the constant intrusion anymore, so I made the executive decision to block her. Shortly thereafter, our relationship dissolved.

Miguel

A week before our wedding, I had a sudden epiphany: Miguel was not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Overwhelmed with emotions, I reached for my phone and called my mom. Tears streamed down my face as I confessed my doubts and fears.  I expected her to be disappointed, even angry, at my sudden change of heart. But to my surprise, she responded with empathy and understanding. My mother who was nearly a thousand miles from me assured me that she would handle the situation.

She promised to inform our family members who were scheduled to fly to America for the wedding about the change in plans. Not only did she take care of notifying our extended family, but she also called Miguel’s parents and informed them that the wedding was off. I can only imagine the shock and confusion that must have ensued on the other end of the line.

I couldn’t help but feel a mix of gratitude and guilt for putting my mother in such a position. As the news spread like wildfire through our families and friends, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

The unfortunate part of all this was that everyone knew before I told Miguel. I didn’t have the courage to tell him first but once everything was set in motion, I had to move forward. It was one of the most difficult conversations I had… but I knew it was the right decision.

Zaddy

We were in his car on a day trip, headed towards Palm Springs, when he asked me if I wanted to get married. My mind raced to process his words, searching for the appropriate response. But instead of offering a heartfelt reply, I couldn’t help but let out a snarky remark.

My response was nonchalant, almost dismissive. It wasn’t that I didn’t care for him or didn’t see a future together. It was simply my way of masking the surprise and uncertainty that flooded my mind at that moment. Deep down, I knew this was a question that deserved more than just a snarky comeback. It caught me off guard and I nonchalantly gave him a snarky response.

Later on, he laughed it off and claimed that he was only joking and said it to get my attention. But was he really? That simple question had planted a seed of doubt in my mind, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it than just a casual remark. Perhaps it was a test, a way for him to gauge my reaction and see if I was on the same page or maybe it was his way of expressing his true feelings in a lighthearted manner, hoping that I would reciprocate. As the miles passed by, the question lingered in the air, unspoken but ever-present.