Continuation of The Pastor Chronicles:
Chapter 4
But it wasn’t all cloudless skies and birds chirping. When it was good, it was so good. However it was rocky just as often. Every single mistake was magnified. When we first started talking, I asked her about her weakness. She said, “I seemed to have this ability to bring out the worst in people. I just seem to be able to push the right buttons, and make a person feel like crap.” I laughed along. Obviously it was an exaggeration. How could a girl this sweet be capable of something so sadistic and cruel? Unfortunately, I didn’t think about it until she reminded me after much time and much turmoil had occurred between us.
So one night, after one of these disagreements, I felt that everything with Ana was over. She wasn’t going to talk to me ever again, much less forgive me. So I found myself wandering into a chat room that I had been so inconsequentially introduced to a few days earlier. This chat room would be responsible for my downfall in many ways. Feeling horrible about myself, I went on to pursue every girl that entered into that chat room. I had some good moves and good lines. I came on strong, but always was extremely charming. I carried on many conversations with as many girls as possible. I knew it was weak and pathetic. What I was doing, I was ashamed of. I just didn’t know how to deal with the intensity of my feelings. And to make matters worse, Ana did not return any of my calls and didn’t seem to be the slight bit interested in carrying on her relationship with me.
Eventually Ana realized that I was going to this room to flirt around. I had not known that she had known about this room. But she came on and started to do the same. Eventually, we confronted each other about what was happening. We were both angry with each other and had major issues with how we were acting towards one another. She confronted me with how I had been flirting with many of the girls in the chat room. In the end, after such a stand off, I conceded. I confessed that I still was crazy about her and that I wanted to be with her. She confessed about how it would be difficult for her to trust me because of the way that I had acted. However, I did not confront her on the way that she was acting. I did not say anything about all the guys that she was flirting with. I chose to look the other way. This was probably a mistake. I was relieved however to be in her good graces once again.
One of the guys that she began to talk to at this time was a guy named Steve. Steve was well known around the website bulletin boards for his sarcastic humor and his love of alcoholic beverages. He also ran the chat room that both Ana and I were frequenting. I started to notice how often they were talking; although she said that she liked me, she spent the majority of the time talking to him. She innocently promised me that there was nothing going on between them. He would just ask her questions and she would answer, that’s it. However this was an issue that we would continue to disagree about. Ana kept hearing from other people in the chat room about how I was continuing to flirt with other members, something that I vehemently deny as untrue. Meanwhile I started to get suspicious of this relationship between her and Steve. This boiled over into a disagreement that lasted one whole day (an eternity in internet chat room time). I started to bad mouth Steve. I thought he was creepy. Ana felt it out of line for me to be saying this while he was not there to defend himself. Thinking back, I can’t believe I stooped to that level. Once again, I felt that this was over. This time however instead of dealing with it by flirting with all the girls, this time I genuinely sulked. I did not want it to end this way. I called her over and over again. I knew she wasn’t going to answer my phone calls, but I couldn’t stop myself. I sent numerous emails to her. It was scary for me. I was turning into this person that was losing control. I had always been able to keep my cool and play by the rules. This was different. Unfortunately for me, it would get a lot worse for me from there.
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