LINK: h8rs gonna h8
When I had my old blog, I attracted all sorts of interesting, colorful, and occasionally eccentric people. Granted, I was considerably bolder and more brazen than I am now. I had fewer reservations about speaking my mind and I guess that was part of the appeal. There were plenty of TMI moments when I’d talk about my monthly woman disease or the conversations I’d have with my girlfriends and boyfriends at the time.
Somehow, I managed to amass more than 10,000 subscribers. Looking back, my blog was more than just a website; it was it’s own little ecosystem filled with people of different personalities, opinions, agendas, and sometimes questionable intentions.
I’m not gonna romanticize the experience, but having so many people read my words, respond to my thoughts, and pay attention to what I had to say was exciting and, admittedly, intoxicating. In a way, this was my version of being a social media influencer. But it was easy to underestimate the influence I might have or how differently people could interpret my words.
The blog brought hella genuine connections. I met a shit ton of people, went on fun adventures, and even attended readers’ weddings and birthday celebrations. We would join other platforms such as Google+, Korean forums similar to Reddit, Zoom, FaceTime, Snapchat, and Houseparty. Unfortunately, there was another side to it: the trolls who thrived on provoking, undermining, and humiliating not only me but also those who left comments. I often wondered whether people who spent so much energy making strangers miserable were unhappy with their own lives and decided that morning that they were going to choose digital violence. I think the internet gave them an outlet for their anger, allowing them to spew hateful comments and indulge in their worse impulses from behind the relative anonymity of a screen, with little or no regard for the consequences.
Recently, I stumbled across an old e-mail that was sent to me by a reader (not Twin Dog BTW) and it brought back a flood of memories of that particular era in my life.
Twin Dog was an online friend attending Duke Uni while I was taking an online summer course through Harvard. He was one of the most intellectually gifted men I knew, having scored perfectly on both the SAT and ACT. Academically, he was for more superior than I was across the board, from English and mathematics to science and history.
I trusted him enough to send him drafts of the reports I had to write for my class. I did pay him for his time (in case you were wondering). He would e-mail the drafts back with corrections in bold red font, leaving comments about what I needed to fix, which sentences needed work, and where I could be more succinct. He was not one to mince his words and I appreciated that because I wanted to become a better writer. In his own little way, he was teaching me to communicate my thoughts more effectively on paper. We also talked about underground rappers, athletes, and traveling, so our conversations extended beyond academics.
To this day, I still don’t know who Quidnunc was or who the supposed boyfriend that was mentioned might have been. I also am unsure of what platform they were conversing in. All I had was this snapshot of one conversation years ago… and yet it offers a glimpse into the complicated social dynamics that we all became entangled in.
Twin Dog: only one i am friends with is rojie, sad huh? just one person i am friends with here hahaha
Quidnunc: i know you like rojie & all but i feel bad butting in this conversation
Twin Dog: why
Quidnunc: what nonsense they say?
Twin Dog: just nonsense, always talking mighty of themselves or making someone else look bad to make themselves look better.
Quidnunc: hrmmmm can i ask a favor please?
Twin Dog: and why would someone care what someone says about them online?
Quidnunc: if you can give me the shit load of logs of the people talking especially rojie
Quidnunc: the reason why is rojie has ruined a lot of people on here
Quidnunc: everybody thinks she’s real innocent they all know she has a big mouth but nobody is willing to stand up to her
Twin Dog: ok, and ur point? why stir up online trouble?
Quidnunc: she is hurting a lot of people emotionally lately
Twin Dog: she is?
Quidnunc: yeah that’s why i am doing something about this
Twin Dog: her and i talk regularly
Quidnunc: on the phone or online?
Twin Dog: both
Quidnunc: i see
Quidnunc: i feel bad asking this then i’m sowwie
Twin Dog: u really should just talk to her and not around her.
Quidnunc: my bad
Twin Dog: ur making urself just as bad as ur trying to say she is
Quidnunc: yeah i know but my reason isn’t her it’s the people she’s hurting w/ the rumors
Twin Dog: are u actually worried about ur online reputation?
Quidnunc: that’s why i feel bad cuz they keep crying to me about this
Twin Dog: but i don’t understand why make online shit a problem in reality?
Quidnunc: i know the other girl in person, she’s like the most innocent girl i know, the sweetest girl, she hates hurting people
Twin Dog: i know a lot of “sweet girls” that aren’t as innocent as they seem
Quidnunc: she is innocent
Quidnunc: somebody has to do something about it, cuz we all know rojie spreads like crazy
Twin Dog: well by “who”, who do u mean
Twin Dog: just rojie?
Quidnunc: are you gonna tell rojie what i told you?
Twin Dog: i’m not a rat
Quidnunc: thanks!
Twin Dog: and i don’t care what people online think of each other since i don’t know anyone here in person
Quidnunc: i’m so sowwie to bother you on this though
Twin Dog: no ur not, ur doing this for ur own self interest. be honest.
Quidnunc: i am not, yeah they are spreading rumors about me, yeah i lost a friend cuz of rojie cuz she lied to him to date him, but that’s not the point
Twin Dog: ur out for your own best interest then.
Quidnunc: i want people to know that buddy h, rojie & nina are part of the rumors that is going around that they are being
Twin Dog: and subtle revenge.
Quidnunc: i am helping the others out w/ this that’s all
Quidnunc: i am like the 1/10 of the people finding out the information
Twin Dog: i know buddy h. he was involved with a problem i had yrs ago and this constant revenge i take out on someone
Quidnunc: yeah buddy h is the main person in this. what happened b/w you & him? if you don’t mind me asking?
Twin Dog: i was involved with the taking down of robin g. i was the main cheese in that.
Twin Dog: if you want to see logs, u’d have to do that here. i don’t trust u enough to know that u might send them around or something. since most are not stripped of me messaging friends i have from around here, and i’d rather keep my personal life personal if u know what i mean.
Quidnunc: yeah i totally understand you cuz you don’t know me
Twin Dog: and also u don’t know the relationship i have with rojie. so i have to be cautious.
Quidnunc: yeah but i did have the relationship w/ rojie
Twin Dog: but u are welcome to read whatever here.
Quidnunc: i won’t bother you cuz i really don’t want you to get involved in something that is a war on here
Twin Dog: i don’t care personally
Quidnunc: just want to get the details of how the people are involved
Twin Dog: it doesn’t get me involved since i don’t talk to any of them in person
Quidnunc: except rojie since you talk to her only
Twin Dog: we just talk
Quidnunc: that’s typical of her though
Twin Dog: ur just bitter with her, i understand.
Quidnunc: yeah i am bitter w/ her
Quidnunc: cuz i really think people should know what type of person she is
Quidnunc: i’m korean girl i hope i don’t gossip too much 8/
Twin Dog: by talking to me u are gossiping.
Quidnunc: i don’t think this is gossip really cuz i’m not telling you what i’ve heard, i want to get to the conclusion, i mean i know way much more than this
Twin Dog: so i take it u have no bf?
Quidnunc: go for rojie dear
Quidnunc: haha why you think i have no bf eh?
Twin Dog: because u are here.
Twin Dog: and u make her blog a social issue
Twin Dog: all the warning signs of a single korean woman.
Quidnunc: haha thanks!
Quidnunc: =P you make me sound pathetic =\
Twin Dog: just stating what i observe. not to pour salt in ur wounds, but it IS pathetic.
Quidnunc: thanks!
Twin Dog: i have a problem being blunt. you’ll have to excuse me.
Quidnunc: your right this is pathetic. i should just leave what it is at this
Twin Dog: it’s online, not anything more. u just have to pity those that take it too serious
Quidnunc: no your right, this is just a drama land
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