LINK: feelings were had
What’s a photo that makes you sad or angry?
Prompt created by yours truly.
Feel free to use any prompts for October that I post and/or tag me.
I’d love to read your responses
I have plenty of snaps that bring me happiness, reminding me of people, places, and moments that I will always cherish. But there are also a handful that stir up a bit of sadness or anger… and sometime there pictures that somehow manage to evoke both emotions simultaneously.
It’s interesting and strange how a single photograph can hold so many conflicting feelings for me. Sometimes, I’m not sure whether I want to hold on to it a little longer or simply look away.
The fact that RM had to write this on WEVERSE to ARMY is upsetting and pathetic at the same time.
When I went to the Heard Museum in Phoenix, I saw the exhibit—Away From Home: American Indian Boarding School Stories. I understand that Canada has their own version of this history, but in the 1870’s the U.S. government forced Native Americans into a “civilized” society by kidnapping them and placing them in government-operated boarding schools. They were ripped away from their families and transported to schools far from their homes, and stripped from their culture and identity.
These were the boarding schools in the U.S., hundreds and hundreds of them.
The little handcuffs they used to round up the children and transport them to these “schools”.
The horrible condition the children were living in and nearly 1,000 Native American children were documented to have died while attending these federal Indian boarding schools.
This was one… I just don’t have any words for it.
The History of America’s Indian Boarding Schools: Ep 12 of Crash Course Native American History.
I fucking miss my dad so much.
A year after my dad passed away, I experienced another loss, my beautiful cat.
I woke up one morning to find her struggling to breathe. Her tongue and mouth appeared cyanotic and I knew something was terribly wrong. I rushed her to the emergency vet, hoping they could save her. Upon examination, they told me they could keep her overnight on oxygen for a couple of days and “try” to figure out what was causing her condition but there were no guarantees.
And then when I was told the estimate of $20,000 +, I was absolutely floored. At the time, I didn’t have pet insurance and I never imagined I would find myself in this type of situation. I was overwhelmed, terrified, and completely unprepared to make any life or death decision for someone I loved so much.
Distraught and unable to think clearly, I called my mom for advice. I needed someone to make an executive decision for me. She told em to let my cat go rather than prolong her suffering.
I broke down and bawled like a baby. Through my tears, I told the veterinarian that my mom advised me to stop letting her suffer. I was such a wreck that I couldn’t even bear to stay in the room. I fucking left the office while my cat remained behind, with the veterinarian team administering an overdose of anesthetic/euthanasia solution. I know deep down inside, she was probably looking for me and frightened but I was a coward and couldn’t watch her die. I barely got over seeing my dad take his last breaths, I couldn’t do it again…
I have so many regrets from that day. I replay it in my head, wondering whether I made the right decision. I wonder if I gave up too soon, if I should have put $20,000 on my credit card and worked out a payment plan with the vet or the credit card company. I wonder if the overnight stay on oxygen would have bought her enough time for the vets to figure out what was wrong. What if they discovered something treatable? What if she could have recovered and come home with me?
But I guess I’ll never know.
I also think about how I wish I could go back and hold her one last time. I wish I could tell her how much I loved her and that I never wanted her to suffer. I wish I was strong enough and stayed with her until the very end.
A few years later, my uncle passed away, and there went another piece of my already fractured heart. He was my dad’s best friend and his favorite sibling.
Before he was diagnosed with cancer, I spent as much time with my uncle as I could. I wanted to make the most of the time we had together and enjoy his presence. He reminded me so much of my dad it was uncanny. Seeing him wither away, little by little was heartbreaking. It hurt my heart watching the fire in him gradually dim, seeing him slowly fading away.
Because my uncle looked similar to my dad but with more gray hairs, losing him felt like I was losing my dad all over again.
I know I write about Zaddy a lot but before him, there was Big Bang. I suppose Zaddy was my rebound, and then some.
Big Bang was an officer in the Army, had a body of a god, and was both sensitive and caring. He helped me trim down a bit while we were dating, but what I remember the most was how he treated me and the adventures we had traveling together. It was so exciting to explore new places with someone I care about and creating these little memories that belonged only to the two of us.
He had two nicknames for me: “nerd” and “여보” (yeobo), a Korean word for endearment used between married couples. I used to dream about what our future might look like. He honestly thought he was going to wife me up… and at one point, I thought that it really was going to be a possibility. We were so good together and we rarely disagreed or argued.
But alas, it never happened. My mom made sure of that.
She treated him horribly because she didn’t think he was good enough for our fam. Meanwhile, his parents couldn’t have been more different. They welcomed me with open arms and treated me wonderfully. This made me even more embarrassed of my mom’s behavior and it really set the tone for everything after it. My mom did everything to break us up… and it worked. This probably wouldn’t have happened if my dad were still alive. I believe that my dad would have liked Big Bang… le sigh.
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