loml (rojie’s version)

LINK: loml (rojie’s version)

Currently listening to: Running Wild – 진 (Jin)

Don’t forget
Don’t forget about the times we shared
All the places that we used to go
Livin’ like we ruled the world

Today is her memorial anniversary. The love of my life.

She lived to be fifteen years old. She was a beautiful pittie with monolids and slightly upturned eyes. She loved her daily five mile walks, cuddling on the couch or bed with me, wearing tutus and pajamas, and being around other animals in the neighborhood. She was the biggest cuddle bug ever.

When she was rescued, she had a fractured leg, it was a painful reminder of the abuse she endured as a puppy at the hands of her first owners who ultimately gave her up. As she got older, she faced more than her share of health challenges: two mouth tumors, a brain tumor, a torn ACL, and degenerative disc disease. She had a team of specialists caring for her—a neurologist, an oncologist, an orthopedic surgeon, a dental surgeon, her primary veterinarian (internal medicine), nutritionist, and even an acupuncturist. She underwent multiple surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy, and other treatment modalities.

I spared nothing when it came to her health. At the time, I was living paycheck to paycheck—I was paying for her out-of-pocket treatments that the insurance wasn’t paying for + her insurance premiums were increasing every month, I was barely sleeping because I was running around taking her to her appointments, taking care of her, and working like a crazy lady, but all in all… it was all worth it, she was able to live another year because of this.

After years of fighting, I knew that she was getting tired. She started moving slower until she could hardly move without assistance. Her appetite dwindled, she was having trouble swallowing and her weight plummeted to 45 pounds (she was 90 pounds at her heaviest). It was hard to see this because she was the one who would consume a tomahawk steak in minutes and lived for In-N-Out pup patties. She was suffering and it broke my little heart watching her struggle.

I had long conversations with all of her doctors and they gently nudged me to consider end-of-life services. I wasn’t ready to let her go, but I also didn’t want her to be in agonizing pain either. On September 15th, her primary veterinarian came to the house and administered sedatives; she crossed the rainbow bridge shortly. I was in disbelief that she was gone in just a manner of minutes. And at that moment, I questioned whether or not I did the right thing… but it was too late, I couldn’t change what had already happened.

I loved her with every fiber of my being. She was my baby, the closest I would ever have to the real thing, and I gave her everything I could give. I miss her so much…

It’s been five years already since she’s passed away, but it still hits me pretty hard every time September 15th rolls by.

… I hope she’s running wild and free…