LINK: rojie the zombie
Write about a scary or spooky encounter you had.
I wrote about my scariest moment a couple of years ago but luckily, I saved a draft of it in my e-mail a while back. This was quite possibly one of the most traumatic moments in my formative teenage years. I’ve never been so damn scared before…
On a less serious note, I also saved a short story that Karl wrote about me as a zombie.
I’ve known him for over a decade when he started reading my blog, while he was attending uni. It’s fair to say that he knows me pretty well. He was one of my favorite friends turned into situationship. He knows that I have a thing with zombies. Zombie Highway. The Walking Dead. Train to Busan. #alive. All of us are dead. I do want to see Colony…
He’s experienced firsthand my “ever changing mind at the last minute” when I wanted to blow off seeing the Palace of Versailles and sleep in instead. Who really does that? I do. He saw me acting a fool on the plane when I lost my passport and made him go into the bathroom with my backpack to look for it. I didn’t dare have him open my backpack in the public because all of my tampons, maxi pads, and panties, were in there. To my defense, I was under the influence of Dramamine. He also knows about my love affair with salt & vinegar chips. He had two bags waiting for me when I arrived Deutschland (he was stationed in Germany at the time). God, I love those chips. So much. I ate them all. They gave me the nastiest breath afterward but I didn’t give a shit.
He also knows that I am not the greatest driver either. Yes, the stereotypical bad Asian female driver. My friends in Minnesota used to tease me about how bad I drove. NGL, I was driving around with a flat tire without knowing it but I did have the music on hella loud. I have a habit of missing turns and exits even with GPS. I think most men are afraid to have me drive them and I don’t blame them. I’ve also been pulled over numerous times but was only given a ticket twice (once for speeding and another time for having illegal tints on the front windows). I mean I will drive when necessary like going to and fro work or if I really want to go somewhere. But I do prefer being driven and being a passenger princess. My only saving grace is that I can drive stick shift and parallel park like a champ.
In the delightfully, almost garishly vibrant quasi-technicolor arena of my mind, I constructed the image of a 여자—yujah, a female Korean, and ran a simulation.
Scenario: 여자 is bitten by a partially transformed, eventually a full-fledged zombie while paying inside a gas station. Her boyfriend is at the school playing basketball with friends. He should be done in an hour or so. She manages to escape the slow lumbering zombie, jumps in her auto, and races home, not bothering to get gas and driving erratically with little awareness of her surrounding, other pedestrians, or drivers (this is the only normal part).
1. She blows up his phone. Calling and texting endlessly. He doesn’t hear the phone. He left it in the car.
2. He arrives to a hysterical crying, violently hitting ball of scared rage. She blames him for everything that happened because he was playing basketball instead of getting gas with her, although he plays basketball regularly. She demands to know why he didn’t answer the phone. She wants him to keep the phone on him, even when he’s playing. What if there is an emergency and he doesn’t answer?‼? Which is exactly what happened today. He said he doesn’t want to risk his phone being forgotten or stolen and he doesn’t play ball with a phone in his pocket, he’s not a 15 year old kid.
3. The hysterics die down to a level where she can explain what happened. They realize she is eventually going to become a zombie.
4. They search the internet for a cure. Drinking salty water and vinegar helps slow the process. It was a small bite on the arm, so she has days before she starts making less sense than before. She starts drinking Dead Sea-level saltiness and devouring salt and vinegar chips.
5. She says if she becomes a zombie, he needs to finish her off so she doesn’t hurt others. He says they’ll find a cure and not to give up.
6. She reiterates if they cannot find a cure he must put an end to her. He sadly agrees if and only if they cannot find a cure.
7. She blows up at him because of how easily he was willing to blow off her face with a shotgun. She demands he say “NEVER! I could never shoot you‼‼ I just couldn’t do it! I’d rather be a zombie with you.” Also, she wants him to admit basketball is the reason she is going to be a zombie and it’s all his fault.
8. He says the world will eventually be overrun by zombies, so he’d let her infect her with her zombie cooties and they can be zombies together.
9. She screams at him again, demanding to know then who would dedicate his life to trying to cure her if he was also a mindless zombie?!?! She demands he stops being a selfish @hole and think about other people. He says but then he’d have to chain her up somewhere and feed her people and if that is what she really wants.
10. She insists he also bathe her so she doesn’t become too smelly and make sure she is eating some healthy food/people because even as a zombie, she doesn’t want to become fat. Also, he must talk to her and tell her how much he loves her everyday and give her hugs because deep down, even though she’ll be a zombie, she will feel his love. He says, “sure. . . you got it.”
11. She demands he takes her seriously and to pick up more salt and vinegar chips.
12. He starts to get his keys. She excoriates him, demanding to know how he could just leave her just like that. He said he was just doing as she asked.
13. She lambast him for not having any common sense and failing to realize she is panicked and therefore cannot be left alone. He asks if she wants to come. She says she can’t leave the house, she’s too upset. He says he’ll call a friend and ask for a favor. She screams “NOOO!” because no one can find out she’s going to be a zombie. He says he will order from UberEats. She says not to because it is a rip off. He asks if she still wants salt and vinegar chips. She SCREAMS at him asking if he has listened to a single word she said.
14. He says he need to take her to the hospital as soon as possible and looking for the answer on the internet is not a good use of precious time. She says she hates hospitals and will only go when it gets serious. He insists he take her now BEFORE it becomes much more serious. Heck, being bitten by a zombie is ALREADY serious. She reiterates how much she hates hospitals and she does not want them to run tests on her. She says her stomach hurts and that means she is already turning into a zombie!
15. He says it might have been the two bags of salt and vinegar chips she devoured. She flips out and screams that he only cares about his F’ing salt and vinegar chips! He asks her to calm down and she snaps at him to calm down.
16. He tries to hug her, but she pushes him away and yells to stay away because she is turning into a zombie. He stands, not knowing exactly what to do.
17. She screams at him that he should know she desperately needs a hug. His eyes shift from side to side, he’s not sure if this another trap, but he knows he is caught in a Catch-22. He wonders when she becomes a zombie, if this will continue forever or if she will lose her ability to speak coherently.
18. She suddenly turns silent, looks up at him, and tells him she needs to get married.
19. He wonders if it’s still safe to have s3x with her or if it will turn his pecker zombie.
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