LINK: real talk
Big mood: angry, on edge, melancholy, exhausted, afraid
I would be lying if I said I was okay. I’m not. What’s happening in Minneapolis is NOT normal. What’s happening in Los Angeles is NOT normal.
Every couple of minutes, my friends are texting me. They’re asking me if I’m safe. I was supposed to go to Minnesota to visit friends and fam, but those plans have been postponed because of everything that’s going on right now. I haven’t had the chance to go on my socials to let people know that I canceled my plans. Each new TikTok or reel showing someone dying, injured, being attacked, or taken away brings me emotional pain. I want to cry. I want to scream. But I do neither. I don’t cry easily but fucking shit, I feel broken because my hometown is being destroyed and I feel so helpless.
I deleted TikTok. People are saying that they’re being censored… I don’t know if it’s true or not but I don’t need the app anymore. I believe deeply in the First Amendment, and the idea of voices being silenced just breaks my heart.
As for IG, it’s been harder to let go of. I used to pour hours into making content, trying to be funny or clever, enjoying the fun and creativity of it all. But now the fun is over. It’s flooded with AI content, misinformation, and I feel like an unc trying to figure out what’s real and what’s not. So I’m going to abstain from going on it for a while. I really think I need a detox for my mental health.
And WP. What is going on with the views lately? My stats have jumped like a MF and I’m suspecting that it’s no thanks to bots. I’m wondering if anyone else is seeing the same thing on their end?
With all this going on, I’ve been working an obscene number of hours. I’m averaging maybe three to four hours of sleep at night because I’m juggling multiple projects for my secondary job. I’ve managed to knock out about half of my to-do lists (see Ian, you’re not the only one who has lists). As soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out like a light. And I honestly can’t tell if burying myself with work to keep me distracted with what is happening is better for me or not.
I caught myself spiraling in between patients at my primary job. What happens if they start knocking door to door in my neighborhood? What happens to me, my mom, to my neighbors? What happens to my patients if the people who care for them are taken away? So many of my colleagues are either Asian, Hispanic, or Middle Eastern. If we’re gone, who is left to save the patients who are on the verge of dying?
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