LINK: questions
Currently listening to: Aperture – Harry Styles
In no good state to receive
Go forth, ask questions later
Trap doors, you’re toying with me
Dance halls, another cadence
What’s hard to ask for?
Asking for help is at the top of the list for me. I’ve been used to handling my own shit since I was a kid and I guess that habit stuck. I don’t like bothering people with my problems and I’m careful about what I share. I can’t always tell if that’s because I value discretion or because I’m afraid of being a burden. It’s probably both TBH.
If I don’t know how to do something, I’ll do my best to figure it out on my own. I’ll Google it, read instructions, ask AI, troubleshoot the issue till it gets resolved. Part of me hopes that if I learn it well enough the first time, it’ll stick and I won’t ever have to ask again. There’s also the underlying fear that I would be seen as incompetent or weak. I hated it when my mom would ask me, “Why don’t you know this? You speak English perfectly, you should not have a problem with this.”
I also don’t like asking if I can tag along either. If I wasn’t invited, I assume that there’s a reason. Either there’s a plan already set or that my presence would be an imposition.
Last year, I asked Five Star if I could go with her and her friends to see the Backstreet Boys, which has been on my bucket list for a long while. She said yes immediately, but I didn’t like that I had to ask. I hated the fact that it made me feel needy and that I was imposing on her and her friends.
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