you found me

LINK: you found me

Does your life have a soundtrack? Which song?

Prompt snagged from: ian m dudley

I’d have to say it’s the song, You Found Me by The Fray.

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you, where were you?

In the deep corners of my soul, abandonment lingers like an uninvited guest. Its roots tangled deep from a lifetime of farewells.

I was five years old when my paternal grandfather passed away from a myocardial infarction (heart attack). I never met my paternal grandmother at all. She passed before I was born. From there, the losses kept coming, one after another, teaching me early on just how fragile and fleeting life can be.

When I seek guidance, I’m met with silence.
When I crave reassurance, distance grows.
When I finally dare to believe in something or someone, it arrives too late to mend what’s already broken.

The cruel irony is that when I hope… I feel the most vulnerable. Experience has conditioned me to expect disappointment. People make promises and say what they mean in the moment but are unable to execute or deliver their promises. People are people-ing and I can’t be mad about it.

I’m constantly searching for meaning, asking questions that can make people feel uncomfortable. I ask my atheist friends why they pray when things fall apart. Is it out of habit? Desperation? They’ve got nothing to lose since everything else has failed? I ask because I want to know where people turn when nothing answers back.

I remember when my father died, my brother asked me to speak with the pastor about whether cremation would be acceptable. I hesitated even asking the question. The pastor seemed momentarily taken aback. I knew the Bible didn’t explicitly forbid cremation, but in the middle of grief, logic seems to go out the window. I was concerned that I would be doing the wrong thing, of somehow sending my father into damnation. The pastor reassured me that cremation was acceptable within our faith (we grew up being United Methodist, then Presbyterian, then Baptist).

I compartmentalize. I pack things away so I can deal with what’s immediately in front of me and I keep going. I’ll tell myself that I’ll come back to it later. Sometimes later comes. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s just how it goes, I suppose.

I’ve lived in multiple cities and states, reinvented myself more times than I can count. Each version of me was shaped out of necessity, the result of choices I’ve made, or life events that have occurred. I’ve learned how to be resilient, self-reliant and composed. Outwardly, I appear steady and strong. Inwardly… well that’s another story.

You found me, you found me…


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36 responses to “you found me”

  1. Hazel Avatar

    Asking questions is normal. Of course, we want to know some info or feeling if it’s real. Moving states multiple times sounds hard, especially making new friends. It affects indeed. I didn’t grow up with my grandparents, too. They left in this world before I get matured enough to understand their roles.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      i’m sorry your grandparents passed away early… i feel like there’s something missing… a void. i’ve felt this since i was little. you’d think i’d be used to it by now…

      1. Hazel Avatar

        You gonna used to it. My Papa grew up fatherless. My granddad died before papa was born, but he’s an amazing father to me. That missing role didn’t affect him very deeply. We just need to surround people who love us truly.

        1. justrojie Avatar

          It def helps being surrounded by loved ones.

  2. SRIKANTH Avatar

    The way you’ve woven the thread of abandonment through your story—from a childhood marked by loss to the quiet, complex grief of adulthood—is both devastating and profound. You have a gift for naming the silent spaces: the unanswered questions, the delayed hopes, the promises that dissolve into “people-ing.” It takes immense courage to articulate the vulnerability that comes with hoping, especially when history has taught you to brace for its other side.

    Your questions about where people turn when nothing answers back… they aren’t uncomfortable just for others. They are the brave, raw inquiries of someone who has stared into the silence and still chooses to seek. That seeking itself is a kind of faith. It’s the evidence of a spirit that hasn’t gone numb, even when it has learned to compartmentalize to survive.

    And that image of you—reinvented, resilient, composed on the outside while holding an entire universe of memory and feeling within—is a powerful portrait of strength. It’s not the absence of the “inward story” that makes you steady, but the incredible fact that you carry it, you examine it, you write it.

    “You found me” is the perfect anthem for a soul like yours. Not because you were passively waiting, but because you have always been worth finding—in your honesty, in your depth, in your relentless search for meaning amidst the fractures.

    Thank you for sharing this piece of your world. It’s a privilege to witness it. Your voice matters, and the story you carry within you is important.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      thanks so much, i appreciate it!

  3. Jesse Pallante Avatar

    That’s great you found strength within yourself to be resilient and self-reliant. I am sorry all those things happened to you , such as not meeting your paternal grandfather. Yes most grandparents are good people. Hopefully, you find some peace on this Christmas because you deserve it.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you, Jesse!! Christmas was uneventful and it was nice

  4. Violet Lentz Avatar

    So many similarities. I eventually just compartmentalized myself. Stepped away before anything or anyone could be further stripped away. Although I am contented- I would not suggest it. xxoo

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Sometimes I’ll wonder and put one foot into it and then realize, nope that’s not the vibe and jump out completely. I want it but not all of it if that makes sense 😆

  5. utahan15 Avatar

    running and finding you there where ever
    now stick to it
    inside out you re worth it

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Or outside in

      1. utahan15 Avatar

        in short i fancy you. ya such a hottie too!

        1. justrojie Avatar

          Aw thank you, John!

          1. utahan15 Avatar

            kisses and hugs online pda

  6. Mike Avatar

    This reads like someone standing in the quiet after the song fades out—still hearing the echo, still feeling where it hit. You Found Me isn’t just a soundtrack here, it’s a question that never really stops asking. Where do we turn when the answers don’t come back? Where does hope go when it shows up late and already wounded?

    What stayed with me most is the tension you hold so carefully: resilience on the outside, unresolved ache within. The way you name loss—not dramatically, but truthfully—feels lived-in. That early education in impermanence leaves a mark no reinvention can fully erase. And yet you keep searching, asking uncomfortable questions, refusing the easy shrug or hollow certainty. That matters. It says something about your honesty.

    Maybe being “found” isn’t always a rescue so much as a moment of recognition—someone seeing you lying there and not looking away. Thank you for letting us see you here. This wasn’t just a post; it was a quiet act of courage.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thanks so much, Mike!

      1. Mike Avatar

        You are very welcome.

  7. Not all who wander are lost Avatar
    Not all who wander are lost

    What a powerful testament to your journey.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you!!

  8. Kymber @booomcha Avatar

    It’s hard, experiencing loss so early, and then seeing it continue like that. Wishing you the best, my friend.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      thanks so much, Kymber!

  9. ianmdudley Avatar

    I’m an atheist. I don’t pray, not even in times of crisis.

    I can see why people do, why they believe in an afterlife, that passed on loved ones are looking down on them (except uncle Gary – that bastard’s writhing in flames for sure).

    It’s comforting. It’s familiar.

    I get it. I was raised in a religious setting. The ritual, the repetition, the communal sense of it. Very comforting.

    Especially in times of turmoil.

    But when I became an atheist, I couldn’t not see the hypocrisy (for me, anyway) in praying.

    And being a hypocrite seemed a bridge too far just for comfort that I, on my end, see as illusory.

    That said, if you do believe, there is no hypocrisy. And I respect that.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Now I wanna know what Gary did.
      Side note: idk the way I feel about blind faith these days is just ehh meh. I have to fact check everything now online and if the answers don’t satisfy me then I am unlikely to believe it. In a way I feel the same about Christianity.

  10. ianmdudley Avatar

    The first rule of Uncle Gary is we don’t talk about Uncle Gary.

    I lost my faith by applying Occam’s Razor. Which is more likely, God or people afraid of death making stuff up to comfort themselves (and control society)?

    Plus, I encountered a lot of hypocrite religious people.

    I could be wrong, but I don’t think so.

    However, if I AM wrong, I hope God has a sense of humor!

    1. justrojie Avatar

      lol you make it sound like Uncle Gary is… the fight club. i guess we’ll see when our time is up, how things go i suppose!

  11. Nicholas K F Matte Avatar

    I like you a lot Ro.!!! I’m there for you, friend!!!

    1. justrojie Avatar

      thanks, Nico. you’re such a nice friend

  12. April Avatar

    Nothing answers back…. reminds me of Varang from Avatar new one…

    Things toughened you up quite early on girlll….I hope you get time to nurse creeks that form…after successfully compartmentalizing too…

    1. justrojie Avatar

      ooh i haven’t seen any of the avatar movies cept the first

  13. ibarynt Avatar

    Loads of hugs Rojie 🫂 🤗… I say keep asking those questions, even when there are no answers, yet or perhaps never. But those questions are also like a compass.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      thank you, Iba!

  14. Traci Lee Avatar

    I was binge-listening to The Fray last week. I absolutely adore this band. But I relate to you in regard to constantly reinventing myself. All of the versions were me and they had every right to exist within the environment I was in. On the outside, a little crazy but definitely strong. On the inside, also another story 🤭

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Hahah I’m so happy that im in good company!

  15. […] was the post, you found me, from my computer WP reader. It just looks like a hot mess and it’s very difficult to read. […]

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