Currently listening to: I Like You – Post Malone feat. Doja Cat
I just want you, I just want you
Your heart’s so big but that ass is huge
Just want you, oh baby
Do you like me too? (Yeah, I like you too)
I’ve been to my fair share of raves with my friends. We’ve danced under beautiful skies, shared water bottles, and lost ourselves in the pulse of the crowd more times than I can count. But one night changed everything.
Jules, one of my friends, mentioned she was inviting someone new—this guy she recently befriended while visiting the bay area when she went to visit her boyfriend. She casually added that he had a bit of a crush on me. I shrugged it off, thinking nothing of it… until I realized who he was.
Josh. Half Caucasian, half Japanese. We had known each other online for years. He used to play video games with us, joined our clans, and was a fellow blogger. We’d left each other comments from time to time, random friendly exchanges. But it had never crossed my mind that he’d ever be someone I’d meet offline, let alone like this. What were the odds Jules would meet him in real life and then bring him to a rave with us?
When he saw me, his face lit up and he stretched out both arms, holding a massive plushie. He gave it to me, just like that. I accepted it awkwardly. I mean, what else could I do? a) I’m awkward and b) I was stunned. I didn’t find him attractive at all. In fact, I remembered him being temperamental online, prone to tantrums and passive-aggressive posts that left a bitter taste.
That weekend, we went to EDC. My friends were already rolling, high and tipsy. I was sober— by choice because I had taken Dramamine for the long drive to Vegas and wasn’t sure how it would mix with anything else.
Even so, the lights, the beat, the love that filled the air—it was intoxicating. I danced, I laughed, I drank what felt like gallons of water. Everyone was having the time of their lives. Maybe more than me, but that was okay. I felt like the grounded one that night, the unofficial babysitter making sure everyone was being taken care of.
Afterward, we all headed back to Frank’s place. The party continued in the living room and kitchen, but I was too drowsy from the Dramamine to keep up. I slipped into the spare bedroom and crawled into bed, hoping to sleep through the rest of the night while everyone else continued to drink and laugh just a few feet away.
I didn’t think twice when I heard the door creak open. Probably someone looking for a charger or a blanket, I told myself. But then I felt it—as if someone was staring at me.
And then, I felt him. He slid into the bed behind me, close enough that I could feel his body rubbing up against me.
“I’ve been waiting all night to be alone with you,” he whispered, his breath brushing against my ear.
My entire body froze.
It was Josh.
I was still groggy, half-asleep, and confused. But alarm bells were going off in my head. He rolled me over and then reached for the button of my jeans, fumbling clumsily in the dark, drunk and persistent. I tried to push his hands away as he leaned in to kiss me. I turned my face, recoiling.
He didn’t like that.
He started muttering insults—calling me a slut, saying I owed him. “I gave you a gift,” he sneered.
When I tried to sit up and get out of bed, he pulled me back down and began to climb on top of me.
I started to panic and then it clicked. I knew what I had to do.
I kneed him hard in the groin.
He groaned, doubled over, and I seized the moment. I bolted from the bed and stumbled back into the living room, where my friends were still caught up in their haze of music and laughter.
I didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to ruin the vibe. That’s what I told myself. That’s how I was conditioned to think—that disrupting the mood somehow matters more than what just happened…
The rest of the weekend, I made damn sure I was never alone. I stuck close to the group, always within sight of someone. I’ve never been more thankful for wearing jeans to bed. If I’d worn leggings or sweatpants, I shudder to think what could have happened.
I never found out what happened between him and Jules after that. He was never invited out again. Never showed his face around us.
Thank God.
It was also the last time I went to EDC.
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