Currently listening to: Tears On My Piano – Charlie Puth
I can’t get my mind off youBaby, you’re responsible forAll these tears on my piano (all these tears on my piano)Can’t think of a melodyThat makes you come back to meGot all these tears on my piano (all these tears on my piano)
Is there a movie that has brought you to tears?
Prompt snagged from: TCMC
I was intrigued by Xiu Xiu: The Sent Down Girl the moment I found out it was banned in China. A Chinese movie, made by a Chinese director, about China’s own history—yet deemed too controversial for its people. That alone made me want to see it.
Trigger warning: sexual assault, suicide
I wasn’t prepared for how deeply it would affect me. The story follows Xiu Xiu, a teenage girl sent to the Tibetan countryside as part of Mao’s “Down to the Countryside” movement, where she’s supposed to learn valuable skills before returning to the city. But the promise is a lie. She’s abandoned in isolation with a herdsman named Lao Jin, a kind but outcast eunuch. Hoping to find a way back home, she allows herself to be used by powerful men, each encounter only pushing her further into despair. The bond between her and Lao Jin becomes both tragic and tender, but in the end, no one comes to save her. The system that sent her there never intended for her to leave.
For a week after watching it, I couldn’t shake the weight of it. I kept replaying the scenes in my head—the barren landscapes, Xiu Xiu’s haunted eyes, the sheer hopelessness of her fate. It clung to me like a fog I couldn’t escape.
Because at the time, I could be emotionally vulnerable with Beau Mec, I made him watch the movie with me. He absolutely hated it. “Why would you want me to watch this?” he asked, frustrated. “It’s too depressing.” I didn’t have an answer that would satisfy him. I just needed someone to sit in that heaviness with me.
That night, we lay in bed, staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Neither of us spoke, as if words would only cheapen the silence. I don’t even remember when I finally fell asleep but I knew it was a restless night for the two of us.
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