Currently listening to: Burn – Usher
When your feeling ain’t the same and your body don’t want to
But you know, gotta let it go ’cause the party ain’t
Jumpin’ like it used to, even though this might bruise you (No, no)
Let it burn, let it burn, gotta let it burn
Deep down, you know it’s best for yourself, but you
Hate the thought of her bein’ with someone else
But you know that it’s over, we knew it was through
Let it burn (Let it burn), let it burn (Let it burn), gotta let it burn
I’ve always been good at compartmentalizing—work, family, friends, love life. Whatever life throws at me, I tuck it away neatly, stacking my emotions into labeled boxes, shutting the lids tight. It’s a system that works. Most of the time.
If I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t be able to function. I can’t let my personal business affect my work, nor can I allow something that happened mere minutes ago dictate the rest of my day.
In healthcare, we’re taught early on to put our emotions aside and do the job, no matter what. A patient’s life doesn’t wait for us to process our feelings or have a meltdown. It’s a skill—necessary, but also dangerous. Because while I can box up the emotions, that doesn’t mean they disappear. It just means I’ve delayed dealing with them and will have to wait till I have time to integrate it all.
It’s usually the heavier things that get compartmentalized:
- A breakup I don’t have time to grieve.
- An unexpected death in the family.
- The patient I lost on my shift but I have more in the queue.
- The abuse I witnessed but all I could do was treat the injury and file a report with the local authorities, Adult Protective Services, or Child Welfare System.
- The things I hear, the things I see, the things I smell, the weight of it all.
Most of the time, the system holds. I go about my day, pretending the boxes don’t exist. But there are moments—quiet, unexpected moments—when one of those lids cracks open. And no matter how hard I try to shove it back into place, some things refuse to stay buried.
I think that you should let it burn…
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