big mad

Currently listening to: The Way I Am (dirty version) – Eminem

‘Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news every day I am
Radio won’t even play my jam
‘Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news every day I am
I don’t know, it’s just the way I am

This song used to be my anthem—angry, raw, unfiltered. It mirrored exactly how I felt. I’d sit at the piano, fingers tracing the melody, letting the frustration pour out through the keys while the song played in the background.

Losing my grandparents shattered something in me. They were my anchors, my safe place. Every summer, we’d spend months in the motherland, wrapped in the warmth of their home. They spoiled my brother and I to the point where we contemplated on staying in Korea with them instead of returning to the U.S.

I was my grandmother’s little shadow, trailing her every move. She taught me how to cook even though they had a housekeeper and a butler, slipped money into my hands when no one was looking, and refined me with lessons on etiquette.

Behind closed doors, she’d whisper the latest neighborhood gossip, filling me in on all the scandalous details. She told me to stand tall, to be proud of my height, but all I wanted was to shrink, to fold into myself like a curled-up shrimp. My posture? A disaster, as you can see.

My grandfather was a striking man—tall, distinguished, effortlessly charming. Life had dealt him both love and loss. His first wife passed away at a young age, and not long after, he found companionship again with my grandmother. They too had an arranged marriage like my parents.

He loved to reminisce, filling my ears with stories from his past, each one told with a knowing smile. His land was like a small kingdom, he had animals of all kinds. Every time I visited, I got to claim them as my own, if only for a little while. He had a vineyard, multiple properties, and a life that, to me, seemed leisurely. I never saw him laboring or stressed—his days revolved around collecting rent and enjoying the fruits of his inheritance. He was a nepo baby, coasting through life on generational wealth.

The day my uncle told me we were heading to the mountains to pay our respects to the grandparents, I resisted. I didn’t want to go. I was still angry that they passed away. I didn’t prepare. I threw on a plain white tank top, loose drawstring pants, and slip-ons, tying my hair up in an ugly bun with no care for how I looked. My family was disgusted with my appearance. And then—he took this picture. I was annoyed because I was trying to have a moment. I looked bloated AF and felt like shit. But that was on me, I did it to myself. My only saving grace was that I wasn’t ugly crying.


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25 responses to “big mad”

  1. noga noga Avatar

    Peace be upon the grandparents. We always remember them as a source of affection. Will my grandchildren remember me like you? I hope rojie 😮‍💨

    1. justrojie Avatar

      They better remember you like this!!! 💜💕

  2. Violet Lentz Avatar

    But what a tender memory it translated into for me. Here. Now. Thank you for sharing this.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you thank you, Violet!!

  3. Jesse Pallante Avatar

    I’m sorry about your loss, that really is terrible that you lost your grandparents. They seemed like terrific people. I could feel your pain in the way you just put your hair up in an onion bun and didn’t care about anything. That’s really sad, but the song by Eminem rocks though. You have good taste in music.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you, Jesse!! Eminem was like my angry go to music 😆 he always sounds pissed off.

      1. Jesse Pallante Avatar

        Yes but he’s impactful.

  4. ibarynt Avatar

    That’s a lovely picture, it is so captivating. Reading stories of grandparents with grandchildren fills me with warmth. So happy to get a peek in to this part of your life.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you, Iba!! They were the best!

  5. Not all who wander are lost Avatar
    Not all who wander are lost

    It’s a powerful story. It’s hard to grieve. Very well expressed.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thank you so much!!

  6. Samantha Josephine Hunter Avatar

    My nan was my life too 😭❤️

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Grandparents are the bestest

  7. Nicholas K F Matte Avatar

    Holy Rojie! That was very insightful! I send you warmth!

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Thanks so much, Nico!

  8. Michael Williams Avatar

    grandparents are gold. i feel you on this one Rojie. MIke

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Absolutely!! Thanks, Mike!!

  9. April Avatar

    that’s such a fond connection you shared. It is totally irreplaceable feeling…for sure!

    I know they are very proud of you!!

    Is going on mountain like a ritual? Like after a year..or so?

    1. justrojie Avatar

      That’s where their burial site is and the fam is supposed to go annually

  10. April Avatar

    Also, grief is totally coming in tenfolds when we think of our loved ones..those gone. So, don’t worry about dressing up and all. Your grandparents see you as you are…♥️♥️

    Recently, when my grandma passed away…I was just opting for anything comforting to me…during that time… don’t be hard on yourself…

    1. justrojie Avatar

      You’re so right about comfortable clothing cause it was giving me comfort instead of wearing some dress that my mom wanted me to wear instead

  11. April Avatar

    Also the lyrics on the song are so dope!! Fire…🤞

    1. justrojie Avatar

      Eminem is one of my fav lyricists

  12. Maddie Cochere Avatar

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Rojie. You post is filled with love for your grandparents, and you were left with wonderful, wonderful memories. Thank you for sharing this. I was touched.

    1. justrojie Avatar

      thank you thank you!! grandparents should be revered.

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