Currently listening to: Lightning Crashes – Live
Oh, now feel it coming back againLike a rolling thunder chasing the windForces pulling from the center of the Earth againI can feel it
Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.
When I was ten years old, I slept over at my best friend Ally’s house. We had met at church, and one day, I’ll have to write about how I was practically coerced into becoming her friend. But for now, I’ll continue writing about my first kiss.
Benny was about fourteen or fifteen at the time, a few years older than us. For some reason, he seemed to have taken an interest in me. Why? I couldn’t say—I was just a kid back then. Early on, he made it clear he liked me, and I remember feeling oddly flattered by the attention. Benny was handsome and older, and, according to the other girls at church, a hot commodity. Yet, despite all the admiration he received, he was looking at me like I was something special—like I was a snack.
Whenever I slept over at Ally’s house, I would sleep on the floor while she slept in her bed. One night, in the stillness, her brother Benny began quietly opening the door and stared at me as I lay on the floor. This would go on for several months, whenever I spent the weekend at their house. At first, I would pretend to be asleep because I wasn’t sure what was going on and I didn’t want to wake up anyone because it was so late in the evening.
He eventually made his move one night. He opened the door, watched me for a few seconds before crawling over to where I was lying. He poked me to see if I was awake. I opened my eyes, looked over at him, and mouthed, “What?” He motioned with his hand to follow him outside the room, down the stairs, and into his room. So I did, not knowing what was even going on.
Benny sat me at the edge of the bed while he examined me. He inquired if I’ve ever kissed anyone before. I shook my head and then he asked me if I wanted to kiss him. I shrugged my shoulders and told him, “Okay”. I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He grinned from ear to ear.
Then he asked me if I wanted to kiss him on the lips. I thought it was going to be no big deal, so I nodded my head. Again, I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on his lips.
He looked into my eyes and asked me if he could kiss my lips. I responded, “Okay” since that was basically what we just did. I guess he wanted another kiss? This time, he grabbed my face and passionately kissed me on my lips, pushing his tongue through my closed lips. At that moment, my chinky eyes turned as big as saucers because I did not know what was going on. I froze. Ew. Why did he stick is slimy ass tongue into my mouth? He noticed that I was uncomfortable and that I had a grimace on my face.
He quickly apologized and asked me not to tell Ally or anyone at church. I nodded. He put his pinky finger out towards me. I knew what he was asking for, a pinky promise – symbolic gesture that signifies trust and commitment between us. I stuck out my pinky and intertwined it with his, at that moment a silent vow was exchanged. To seal the deal, we pressed our thumbs together. To me, this promise was now marked as unbreakable.
He quietly led me back to Ally’s room in the dark before anyone in the house woke up. It felt like I was in a covert mission as I tried to control my breathing and not make any noise while going up the stairs. Little did I know that this was training me for the future, when I would sneak out of my house as I got older.
When I went to lie down in between the blankets, I stared out into the darkness to process what happened. Part of me was ecstatic that I had my first kiss while the other side of me felt extremely guilty because this was my best friend’s brother. Everything was so secretive…and it felt very wrong.
To be continued in the future…discretion 2부 (part 2).
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