lies

I question everything he’s told me because I feel like it’s all been a lie.  I let my emotions get the better of me.  I got swept off my feet by this Zaddy giant and was floating on cloud nine.

But if I look at the facts only, it doesn’t add up.  The math ain’t mathing, ya know?

• That he found me attractive.  Lie.
• He was single when we were together.  Lie.
• His partner in life is Asian (he mentioned her nickname being a cutesy Asian name, which is why I initially thought she would be Asian, but my gut is telling me that she is not and probably Caucasian).  It’s just the little comments that he used to make before…
• That I was the perfect fit for him.  Lie.

There are more but thinking about them makes me sad so I’ll stop the list there.

Things that made the whole situationship sus:

• Never did we take pics together.
• We never spent the night together, only during the daytime.  Granted it was for several hours but most of the time was spent either eating, drinking, or fucking.
• I’ve never been to his place.
• Ask me if I’ve met any of his friends.  Nope.
• Meeting up was never spontaneous, it was always scheduled in advance.  Except that one time, he did offer to take me to the Four Seasons if I canceled my trip (I was dating a few people at the same time but I was transparent about this) that I had with someone else.

I’m mad at myself for not figuring it out sooner.  I was his dirty little secret.  Le sigh.  Maybe he felt like he could be more himself while with me and explore…push the boundaries. Who the fuck knows?  Had I known about all this from the get go, I never would have been with him. I never would have met him. I don’t know what the purpose of any of this was, aside from making me look like an lovestruck idiot and him getting the best of both worlds…but I’m chalking it up as a lesson learned.  And trust me, thanks to him, I learned more than I ever wanted to.