i can do it with a broken heart (rojie’s version)

LINK: i can do it with a broken heart (rojie’s version)

Currently listening to: Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart – Alicia Keys

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well, you could try sleeping in my bed

Circling back to the post “down bad“, I wanted to further explain my naivety and selfishness.

I had asked Chris about the first girl he had sex with. He said it was with his babysitter. He was twelve years old and she was a full-grown adult.

A flood of jealousy came over me. My face began to turn red and tears welled up in my eyes. I was so caught up in the fact that he had sex with someone else that it didn’t even dawn on me that he was violated sexually for years and that she was grooming him since he was a kid.

My stupid ass asked if he liked it and if he liked having sex with her more than me. He looked away from me and said, “It was okay. I was young.” God, thinking about it now makes me want to punch myself in the face. How could I have been so stupid? Instead of being accusatory towards him, I should have hugged him tight and not pester him about the question in the first place. IDK if I’ll ever forgive myself for being such a dipshit…

And then it all made sense to me. Him getting into trouble and acting out. Why he didn’t want to go back to Texas. His shy awkwardness around me. It all fucking made sense…