morning text

Currently listening to: Fade Into You – Mazzy Star

I woke up this morning to my cousin’s text.  Our “aunt” passed away over the weekend.  I say “aunt” because she wasn’t a blood relative, but a close family friend who treated us as her own.  She had three sons and doted on me and my female cousins because she secretly wanted a girl.  I loved her.  She was fun, hip, and pretty.  She had an endless amount of energy and was so damn fucking happy.  She was the epitome of what a feminine woman would look like.  Tall, slender, full of grace, with proper etiquette.

Sometime after I moved to California, I learned that she had fallen into a coma.   She complained of a colossal headache.  Despite taking an OTC medication, it continued to persist.  I don’t know how long this headache was lingering but she eventually had a massive stroke (unknown if it was an ischemic or hemorrhagic stroke) but she never recovered from it.  After weeks in the ICU, she was transferred to a SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility), where she stayed for many many years.  Her husband, who adored her, faithfully visited her every day.  Rain, blizzards, and tornadoes…nothing could keep him away from the love of his life.

Initially, he e-mailed me about his grief and I did my best to console him from afar.  We talked about possible options, of course, I would send him the latest literature on patients who have recovered from comas to share with her treatment team and to keep his spirits up.  He clung on to his faith, which gave him hope.  And without hope, there’s only despair.

As the years grew longer, the angrier his e-mails became.  He bitched about his worthless sons and to some degree, he blamed them for her stress which led to her demise.  He continued to work till he recently retired and then his full-time job became being his wife’s companion for hours on end at the SNF.  He could not take care of her medical needs since she was on a ventilator and had other medical issues (I am not privy to this information) that needed medical attention.  I cannot fathom what it would be like to do this day in and day out for years.

The e-mails dwindled and then stopped.  I would send him gifts during the holidays but then return them to me.  He didn’t want anything…except his former life with her.

When I got the text from my cousin, my heart sank.  She wrote that he was not doing well, becoming more disheveled, and feeling hopeless and lost without her.  I suspect it won’t be long till his health drastically deteriorates as he also has a myriad of chronic medical conditions.  No hope…only despair.  I asked her to tell me when the funeral would be.  I’m uncertain as to whether or not I’ll fly out to Minnesota…